This Day A Certain Number of Years Ago

In hindsight, it was not so wise to pick Earth Day as the day to get married. This day for always will be spent wracked in guilt ridden anxiety.

Why?

For to celebrate the anniversary, Gaia's gentle petals, her most translucent little belly hairs, must be pucked from her skin, bound mercilessly together into unnatural combinations of colors soothing only to selfish human eyes, and then propped in those standup coffins some call vases.

All for the vanity of ones wife!!!!!!

And let us not speak of the trees felled to produce a saccharine card that in ten toxic lines of ink conveys a smorgasbord of feelings that the human male is simply incapable of actually feeling.

And all for the vanity of one's wife!!!!!!!

And we must spare the words with respect to the 20 or so ounces of hoofed flesh that will be slathered in fatty renderings and peppercorns housing the Earth's pheromones, seered with fire produced by the forcible extraction of Gaia's sacred liquids, and served in an extra slatering of fatty renderings upon a table of wood hewn from virgin forests in Kuala Lumpur.

And all for the vanity of one's wife!!!!!