Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Brief Word About . . .

Patrick Swayze. Here he is in all his awesome badness.

Swayze is most appreciated for his ability to wear size 28 jeans and kick-fu hick ass in the film Roadhouse (1989). But the plain truth is that no one watches Roadhouse because Swayze convinced anyone he was a tough guy. For god's sake, his character's name is "Dalton." Oooh, scary. We didn't keep coming back to the movie because of the delicious and glorious throatectomy performed on one of Gazzara's henchmen. We don't even watch it for the Ben Gazzara caricature of Ben Gazzara as an actor doing a caraciture of himself.

We watched -- nay, watch - Roadhouse for one simple reason: Kelly Lynch has one tight bod. And that's it.

Swayze's true accomplishment, though, is his consistent ability to sport a mullet hairstyle. Even when he is playing a chick, he's got a mullet.

Whether he was more successful with that look in The Outsiders or Red Dawn or Roadhouse we will leave to the Eburts and Rogers and Roepoerts of the world. For SBD, a movie is either great or crap. Swayze and his mullet made his films great.

Except for Ghost. Crap.