Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Friday, April 22, 2011

A Note on the Commie Holiday

In celebration of Earth Day, it behooves us to quote one of this country's greatest conservationists:

"What is a conservative after all but one who conserves, one who is committed to protecting and holding close the things by which we live... And we want to protect and conserve the land on which we live -- our countryside, our rivers and mountains, our plains and meadows and forests.  This is our patrimony.  This is what we leave to our children.  And our great moral responsibility is to leave it to them either as we found it or better than we found it."

Remarks at dedication of National Geographic Society new headquarters building, June 19, 1984

And this:

"If we've learned any lessons during the past few decades, perhaps the most important is that preservation of our environment is not a partisan challenge; it's common sense. Our physical health, our social happiness, and our economic well-being will be sustained only by all of us working in partnership as thoughtful, effective stewards of our natural resources."

Remarks on signing annual report of Council on Environmental Quality, July 11, 1984
That's right:  President Ronald Reagan

H/T: Republicans for Environmental Protection (they seem like a false flag operation to me, but hey, thanks for the quotes)

Monday, April 11, 2011

Friday, April 8, 2011

It Burns!

Perhaps not the best e-mail to send around on Shutdown Friday:
Attached is guidance issued by the U.S. Office of Special Counsel this week as a result of President Obama’s officially declaring his candidacy for reelection.  The guidance is a reminder that because the President is now a declared candidate, the Hatch Act prohibits federal employees from displaying his picture in the federal workplace unless (1) the image is an official photograph such as the photos of the President and Vice President that traditionally hang in government offices; or (2) the photo is a personal photo of the employee with the President at a non-political event that was already displayed in the employee’s office prior to the President’s declaration of his candidacy.

The Office of Special Counsel advises that employees should take down images of the President that they may have posted in their workspaces that do not meet either of these criteria, and, while on official duty or in the Federal workspace, should refrain from wearing buttons, lanyards, t-shirts and other apparel, and from displaying campaign posters, bumper stickers or buttons in their offices that include an image of the President or that are otherwise directed toward the success or failure of his candidacy.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Fool's Day

You think it’s around 7 am when you become conscious this morning, but you're dead to the world.  Can’t move or open your eyes.  Brain gearing up, but angry.  Didn‘t go to sleep until 3 am because of the spectacle of police activity beyond the property line.  You can't see it yet but you know the room is bathed in a gray light of a gray rainy morning.  It won't be helping you wake.  You hear one of the kids creeping around the room.  You hear some kind of tapping on your nightstand.  A strange squishy sound.  But you're dead to the world and can’t open your eyes.  You hear doors closing.  You hear giggling.  But you're dead to the world.  Fully conscious that there’s movement in the room, but you can’t move or open your eyes.  You fall back into deep sleep, probably only for a minute, before your daughter jumps on the bed and demands you turn on the TV.  You manage a grunt. You turn your head to face the night stand, break the gummy seal on your eyelids and reach your hand for the remote control.  You hesitate because it’s covered in marshmallows.  You're a sightless bat so you reach for your glasses, your eyes, but they are covered with marshmallows, too.  You blink a few times, lubricating the orbs, enough to determine it is not marshmallows.  Maybe Peeps?  Peeps are pink or green, though.  Are Peeps white?  The smell hits your nose, soap.  No, not soap.  There’s a tang to the odor.  Shaving cream.  Barbisol Beard Buster Thick and Rich, to be precise.  Your brain awakens and cements the fact:  the remote and your glasses - your eyes! - are encapsulated in Barbisol Bear Buster Thick and Rich shaving cream.  And, yes, you fool, it’s April Fool’s Day.  The brain hears giggling and there’s mirthful bouncing on the bed.  But your brain is a deep, nasty lair for an angry demon.  The demon rises fast, but he can’t see because his eyes need a shave.  And now’s he’s pissed and yelling as he attempts to waken and he’s without reason and without humor and without love.  A towel is demanded and the glasses are handed over for immediate cleansing and there’s a lecture about never, ever touching someone's glasses because They Are My Eyes.  And we don’t own the remote, only rent it from the cable company and it can’t get broken or wet, otherwise we will have to Manually Change the Channel on the TV!  Do you understand, little girl!   The lines that cannot be crossed are referenced.  The rules of funny are invoked.  And then there are tears and doors slamming.  You're finally fully awake, sitting on the edge of the bed, squeaky clean glasses on your face and a degreased TV remote in your hand, but the buffers and firewalls and malware programs have been booted too late and the demon virus has ruined a little girl’s day. 

I am a goddamned fool.