Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The Brilliant Iowahawk!

Obama Names Bill Clinton to Presidential Post

WASHINGTON DC - Ending weeks of speculation and rumors, President-Elect Barack Obama today named Bill Clinton to join his incoming administration as President of the United States, where he will head the federal government's executive branch.

"I am pleased that Bill Clinton has agreed to come out of retirement to head up this crucial post in my administration," said Obama. "He brings a lifetime of previous executive experience as Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States, and has worked closely with most of the members of my Cabinet."

Read the whole hilarious thing.

A French Soldier's View of the American Soldier

We seldom hear any harsh word, and from 5 AM onwards the camp chores are performed in beautiful order and always with excellent spirit. A passing American helicopter stops near a stranded vehicle just to check that everything is alright; an American combat team will rush to support ours before even knowing how dangerous the mission is - from what we have been given to witness, the American soldier is a beautiful and worthy heir to those who liberated France and Europe.

Read the whole thing.

(H/T Theo Spark)

Elsewhere in Afghanistan:
During the battle, the designated marksman single handedly thwarted a company-sized enemy RPG and machinegun ambush by reportedly killing 20 enemy fighters with his devastatingly accurate precision fire. He selflessly exposed himself time and again to intense enemy fire during a critical point in the eight-hour battle for Shewan in order to kill any enemy combatants who attempted to engage or maneuver on the Marines in the kill zone. What made his actions even more impressive was the fact that he didn’t miss any shots, despite the enemies’ rounds impacting within a foot of his fighting position.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The League of Extraordinary Economic Gentlemen

The press ejaculated a stream of reports yesterday and today on Obama's economic team, which is nothing less than the League of Extraordinary Economic Gentlemen.

The League is comprised of intellectual giants and mutants:

Larry Summers, last seen cowering under the Harvard President's desk as feminists beat him with math text books and slide rulers, will head up the White House Office of Policy Development's National Economic Council. Mr. Summers has had an illustrious career in many economic fields and in government. His extraordinary power is that he tends to speak the truth when it's least welcomed by those who hired him to lie. This is also is greatest weakness and will offer many opportunities for Mr. Summers to unwittingly sabotage the Obama administration. The NEC was first formed in 1993 by Executive Order 12835 and is charged with four principal functions: to coordinate policy-making for domestic and international economic issues, to coordinate economic policy advice for the President, to ensure that policy decisions and programs are consistent with the President's economic goals, and to monitor implementation of the President's economic policy agenda.

Timothy Geithner will serve as Secretary of the Treasury. Mr. Geithner possesses an illustrious career and presently serves as the 9th president of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, the top dog in the pack of twelve regional reserve banks. Mr. Geithner is a specialist in creating money out of thin air and giving it to his friends down the street from his Manhattan office. All of that is important and looks very nice on heavy grade bond paper, but, in addition to his preternatural skills with hand gestures, Mr. Geithner's extraordinary power is sourced directly from his thick wavy hair and thus we can expect the press to default always to a photo of Mr. Geithner's head whenever they issue a press release (presently called a newspaper article) on the Obama administration's economic plans, policies and magnificent, unparalleled successes. All League members, however, have a fatal weakness and Mr. Geithner's is that he holds an MA in International Economics and East Asian Studies from the Johns Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies (SAIS)('85). SAIS grads are prone to hubris, self-aggrandisement and a fatal desire to solve all the world's problems at happy hours. In any event, as Secretary of Treasury, Mr. Geithner will serve as the major policy advisor to the President, having primary responsibility for formulating and recommending domestic and international financial, economic, and tax policy.

Peter Orszag will be Director of the Office of Management and Budget. Mr. Orszag's chief strength is that he is the consummate policy dork and thus will be underestimated by all involved until he applies the full fury and might of the OMB by rubber stamping all of Mr. Obama's socialist initiatives throughout the federal government. Mr. Orszag has been applying his prodigious nerd skills as the Director of the Congressional Budget Office, whose primary job is to provide cover for Congress' profligacy with your tax dollars. Mr. Orszag pretends to know something about medical expenses and so he will provide a giant blue tarp over the financial pit that Obama will dig for the country when he pushes through his national health care plan in a couple of years. He also is a Clinton retread, having worked at the Council of Economic Advisers during his reign of terror. According to his wikipedia entry, "there is some agreement among associates that he wears a toupee." Ya think? This makes him the anti-Geithner.

While not technically a gentlemen, Christina Romer certainly looks like one and will not stand out at League meetings when she represents the Council of Economic Advisers. Ms. Romer is a UC Berkeley economist. Berkeley. Oh, fuck. Still, from Sydney Brillo Duodenum's perspective, her greatest strength is that, after being offered a tenured position at Harvard University's economic department, she was blackballed by Harvard President Drew Gilpin Faust (the one who succeeded Larry Make Me Vomit Summers but not before shaking him down for $50 million for estrogen injections into the Harvard faculty), and thus serves as a direct example of the hypocrisy of Harvard's feminists - it's not women advancing, but only certain women advancing that matters to them; imagine the turmoil that would ensue should a highly regarded, independent, accomplished economist have an opinion different from the Harvard President. There would be an epidemic of fainting. In any event, Ms. Romer allegedly brings deep understanding of the Great Depression and how the country recovered from it, although one doubts she would agree that it's more appropriate to state, "how the country recovered from it despite the best efforts of FDR and his Brain Trust." Essentially, though, she is Professor McGonagle overseeing the new class of Keynesians at the Obamawarts School of Keynesian Wizardry.

Melody Barnes will serve as Director of the Domestic Policy Council. Ms. Barnes has recently served as VP at the Center for American Progress, which is a "progressive" (e.g., leftist) American policy and activism factory run by UFOologist and Obama advisor and former Clinton hack John Podesta. CAP's stated mission is to build "upon progressive ideals put forth by such leaders as Teddy Roosevelt, FDR, JFK, and Martin Luther King [and to] draw from the great social movements of the 20th century—from labor rights and worker safety, to civil rights and women's suffrage [and] translate those values into new ideas and action firmly rooted in the economic and political realities of the 21st century." Yes, "Oh Fuck" is right! So really, Ms. Barnes will be tapping into all that heady goodness of progressive (e.g., leftist) success of the past 80 years and apply it to the 21st Century, when no one really remembers what a flaming wreck it all was. Ms. Barnes learned many of her dark arts while serving as Chief Counsel to Senator Edward Kennedy on the Senate Judiciary Committee. This gives her mega street cred and allows Obama to use Senator Kennedy's brain tumor to his advantage as he positions himself as the rightful heir of Kennedy benevolence on behalf of the downtrodden little people. Ms. Barnes principle extraordinary weakness is that she resembles Michelle Obama and thus her access to President Obama will diminish over time because he's going to be getting enough shit from Mrs. Shadow President in private quarters, so the last thing he is going to want to see is MiniMichelle.

Sydney Brillo Duodenum specializes in maintaining close ties to the Washington power brokers and so has come into possession of a document listing Mr. Obama's "round two" choices for his economic team. These names will not be announced until after the January Investiture. They are:

Suze Orman, personal financial advice guru and host of the The Suze Orman Show on CNN and author of New York Times bestsellers. Ms. Orman will head up the new White House Office of Personal Financial Advice. Under this new directive, and based upon the principle that the government knows more than you do about what's good for you, the White House will provide financial advice directly to the American people. The program will be limited to women in their 50s who have never worked, do not own any property, have no credit cards in their name, and who have decided to divorce their husbands after 25 years of marriage because they are no longer "understood."

Jim Cramer of Cramerica and Mad Money fame on CNBC. Mr. Cramer will serve as Mr. Obama's Court Jester during meetings of the League of Extraordinary Economic Gentlemen. His principle duties will be playing sound effects (bulls, bears, guns, bombs, screams, etc.) as League members present their recommendations to President Obama; throwing rubber dolls at reporters who ask questions not preapproved by the President; and advising Mr. Obama to pour all of his political capital into the plans or pull all of his political capital out of the plans, depending on which way the gas emanating from Larry Summers is blowing.

Mrs. Col. Mbeki Gnutulu, widow of deposed African strongman Col. Mbeki Gnutulu. Mrs. Guntulu will head the US Mint. She is a relatively outside-the-beltway appointee who came to Mr. Obama's attention through an e-mail he received on his beloved Blackberry device. Mrs. Col. Mbeki Gnutulu has presented plans to Mr. Obama on the repatriation of funds from overseas. Mr. Obama sees her as a critical player in finding lost dollars owed the US Treasury. From her position at the US Mint, Mrs. Col. Mbeki Gnutulu has promised to deposit these lost monies in the US Mint prior to their transfer to the US Treasury. Mr. Obama promises that once he is inaugurated, she will be provided with the necessary bank account information at the US Mint to finesse the transfer and secure to these monies to the benefit of US taxpayers.

In any event, the League, not even sworn in by Congress, in its mere announcement of its formation, has already trespassed upon ground never before touched by humanity. In an extraordinary masterstroke of masterful extraordinariness, the League has announced a two part dickover plan for saving our asses. First, Obama will "jolt" the economy by spending billions and billions of tax payer dollars, maybe even a trillion, not yet collected from people and businesses in order to create 2.5 million new minium wage jobs by 2011, even though it will be at the expense of driving out of business the ones paying billions and billions of dollars in taxes. It only makes sense when one considers the paltry $7.5 trillion already committed by the federal purse to alleving our national constipation. The second prong of Obama's two-dick plan is shear genius never before considered by the modern mind - budget cuts, reform and budget reform of cuts to the budget.

The great Thomas Sowell distills these developments into a potent dram of a paragraph:
What we are talking about is a golden political opportunity for politicians to use the current financial crisis to fundamentally change an economy that has been successful for more than two centuries, so that politicians can henceforth micro-manage all sorts of businesses and play Robin Hood, taking from those who are not likely to vote for them and transferring part of their earnings to those who will vote for them.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Quid Pro Quo?

The Quid:

Report: Pop star Michael Jackson converts to Islam
By Haaretz Service
The American singer Michael Jackson has converted to Islam, the Sun newspaper reported over the weekend. The 50-year-old pop star, who changed his name to Mikaeel, pledged allegiance to the Koran at a friend's house in Los Angeles. An Imam was summoned from a nearby mosque to hold the shahada, the declaration of belief in Allah and Mohammed's prophecy.

An associate said that Jackson chose his new name, which is the name of one of Allah's angels, after rejecting another Muslim name, Mustafa, which means "the chosen one."


The Quo:

Michael Jackson, Bahrain Prince Settle Dispute Over Advance Fee

By James Lumley and Caroline Byrne

Nov. 24 (Bloomberg) -- Pop star Michael Jackson settled a U.K. lawsuit filed by a Bahraini prince and avoided having to testify in the dispute.

Jackson, 50, known as the “King of Pop” for hits including “Beat It” and “Thriller,” was scheduled to take the stand in London today. Bahrain’s Prince Abdulla Bin Hamad Bin Isa Al- Khalifa had sued Jackson claiming he reneged on a deal to use Bahrain as a recording venue and kept a $7 million advance.

“An amicable settlement has been reached on confidential terms,” the prince’s lawyer Bankim Thanki, told Justice Nigel Sweeney at a hearing today at the High Court in London. Sweeney halted the hearing to let lawyers prepare documents related to the accord.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

First Taste



Source: Bethesda Market, Bethesda, Maryland

Brewer: Brauerei Heinrich Reissdorf

Marketing BS: No fucking clue. It's all in German.

Translation of Marketing BS: Probably something along the lines of our beer is pure and clean and pure and has unquestionable lineage to some Nordic superhero hopped up on artisanally grown mushrooms. Oh, and did we say it's pure?

Setting: Family room, while watching Air Force One on cable. Harrison Ford kicking Russian fascist ass.

Bottle: Big, brown smooth dildo type. Sorry, but that's what it looks like.

Label: Classic German label with incomprehensible German script and funny Os with dots over them. The neck label has the word "Beer" on it and says Product of Germany under an emblem that looks too much like the Obama campaign emblem.

The Cap: Nothing dramatic. Sometimes with these German beers, when you crack the cap, it hisses out something that sounds pretty close to "Heil Hitler."

Alcohol Content: No clue, but it feels like 7 or 8 percent.

Method of Imbibation: Poured into a wheat beer glass, although it should have been poured into a Stange, but one was not available, although a leftover POM Tea glass would probably suffice.

First Swig: Lots of carbonation encapsulating essence of white grape. Beer snobs will taste apples, bread, kumquats, and soylent green. Very clean and pure in appearance. Exceedingly feint golden hue. Head breaks down quickly but provides enough lacing so you can write about lacing. If any beer resembles piss, it's this one. A nice after taste. Too bad only one bottle is at hand. One could spend a full evening with this beer and not be full at the end of the evening.

Competition: Stella Artois, Heineken, Michelob.

Recommendation: If you can get over the fact that a lot of American boys died crushing Nazi Germany, then buy a bottle. But don't be too enthusiastic about buying into all that brewing purity because it's just a cover for expressing German racial superiority.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Best Political Video EVER

This video interview of Governor Sarah Palin at a turkey farm has to be one of the best political videos ever produced.




John F. Kennedy supposedly started this tradition of sparing the ax, but it was officially launched by Bush 41. Now all presidents, governors, senators, congresscreatures, mayors, and councilboobs fall over themselves to pardon a turkey just before Thanksgiving. It's a classic demonstration of liberal angst, pseudo-mercy and Western guilt. Palin plays along, pardons a bird, but then chats away while its brothers' throats are slit and their bodies drained of blood behind her. It's an American Monty Pythin skit. She will forever have Sydney Brillo Duodenum's vote after this.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

This Should Frighten Every American

The National Treasury Employees Union, which represents over 150,000 bureaucrats, rubber stampers, web surfers, and clock watchers across 31 agencies and departments put out the press release below which, when one reads through the mumbo jumbo about service and dedication, amounts to a reminder to President-elect Obama that federal employees will make his life a living hell if he doesn't give them a raise, tries to introduce private sector merit-based promotion schemes, doesn't fire contractors who do process work ten times more efficiently than some lard ass with a guaranteed for life job, doesn't radically increase the ranks of the bureaucracy because government is never too big and always too small for "mission critical" this-that, and 52 pages of utter bullshit and crap designed to strengthen a union of federal employees. These are the shriveled prunes working with or against the Plums. For the past eight years, they have worked against the Plums.

And Sydney Brillo Duodenum knows of what he speaks because he is a prune that on any given day, is surfing the web while rubber stamping bureaucratic make work with one eye on the clock.

Obama Victory Provides a Chance
To Renew the Vitality of Federal
Service

Washington, D.C.—The National Treasury Employees Union (NTEU) looks at the victory of Sen. Barack Obama as the next president of the United States as a major opportunity to turn the public conversation toward a much-needed discussion of how federal agencies may best serve the public, the leader of the nation’s largest independent union of federal employees said today.

“Federal agencies have been understaffed and underfunded and federal employees have been marginalized by the current administration,” said NTEU President Colleen M. Kelley. “As our new president prepares to lead our country, NTEU stands ready to work with him and the congressional leadership on ways to strengthen federal agencies to help them better meet their critical missions and serve the American public.”

NTEU will work with the Obama administration and Congress on a number of measures that will help federal agencies focus more on delivering services to the American public and less on wasteful contracts, consultants and near-constant changes of personnel systems, President Kelley said.

These include finding savings and increasing accountability by ending inefficient contracts and bringing work back into federal agencies; providing adequate resources to agencies, including sufficient staffing levels, and the necessary authority to achieve agency missions; driving agency resources to the frontlines; and increasing productivity at our agencies through the use of partnership and other collaborative efforts.

“Federal agencies need to be refocused on mission-critical efforts, and put aside distractions that have stymied progress in the past several years,” President Kelley said, adding that any civil service changes, including alternative pay systems, should be linked to increasing the potential for reaching agency missions.

NTEU also will work with the Obama administration to provide to every eligible federal employee full collective bargaining rights,” said Kelley.

“Frontline federal employees know how to get the work done, how to make improvements in their agencies and best serve the American people,” President Kelley said. “It is time for positive change in federal agencies that starts with listening to suggestions and working cooperatively with employees.”

After eight years of Bush administration efforts to contract out federal work and institute new personnel systems that diminish employee rights, many federal agencies are facing plummeting morale among their workers, President Kelley said. “I am confident that by working together we can turn this around.”

“President-elect Obama has said that he wants to make public service ‘cool’ again,” President Kelley said. “This will become increasingly important as the so-called ‘retirement wave’ of federal employees crests in coming years. NTEU looks forward to working with him to turn back the tide of negative perceptions about the federal workforce and make public service a viable and desired career path for young workers.”

Yeah, but what's the tip?



Update 11/24/08:

More Like A Crack Whore

Bill Brown on Uncle Sam as Sugar Daddy:

At the very core of the current financial crisis lies the problem of moral hazard.

Moral hazard is the alignment of incentives that encourages the pursuit of short-term gains with scant regard to (or even responsibility for) potential long-term costs. The U.S. Federal Reserve Bank and the federal government helped create the moral hazard problem, but they are not focused on correcting it. In fact, some recent actions are making the problem more acute.

Former Fed Chairman William McChesney Martin Jr., once said that the role of the Fed was to "take away the punch bowl just as the party got going." But under the leadership of Alan Greenspan, the Fed not only left the punch bowl on the table, it also spiked the punch.

When equity markets wobbled, the Fed came to the rescue. Yet when he commented on the "irrational exuberance" of the equity markets several years ago, Greenspan admitted no role in creating that exuberance.

More recently Greenspan failed to acknowledge the moral hazard problem in a different context. In his Oct. 23 testimony before Congress, he expressed "shocked disbelief" that self-regulation failed -- that financial institutions did not do a better job preventing themselves from getting into trouble.

Greenspan's shock is itself surprising. He was right to believe that markets could be self-regulating, and he was right to believe that markets should work. What he failed to see, though, was that self-regulation couldn't work because of the moral hazard that had crept into the way Wall Street operated.

Many of the problems with Wall Street lie with the corporate structure itself. In the idealized world, management should be acting for the benefit of the shareholders, and the shareholders should act through the board of directors to set compensation and power of management.

In the real world, though, shareholders are too numerous to exert any meaningful control, with the result that management tends to operate in a way that favors itself over shareholders. This moral hazard became particularly toxic in the financial service sector where self-regulation came into direct conflict with self-interest.

On the ruins of the current crash, Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson and Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke are building yet another moral hazard. In the interest of rehabilitating the financial system, they are taking too much of the sting out of the bad decisions of times past.

They are helping re-inflate subprime mortgages and other toxic instruments that got us here in the first place. They are helping resuscitate the banks that are in trouble (and some of those that are not). Most interestingly, they are allowing our government to become a shareholder of recapitalized banks, while permitting the government to fall into the trap of exercising no power over management. The government is acting rather like a sugar daddy who lavishes attention on the basis of flattery, not need.

Fight, fight!!!

Earlier this week, Sydney Brillo Duodenum presented a memorandum from Montgomery County, Maryland Schools Superintendent Jerry Weast to the Board of Education recommending against closing the schools on Inauguration Day. Mr. Weast presented a laundry list of impacts on schools, staff, students, parents, buildings, security personnel, pets, bus drivers, fast food workers, nannies, etc. Bottom line: it will cost too much and since we have already given the teachers more "professional days" than any other school system in the country, we can't cram another day off for kids into the schedule.

Below we have the response of one school board member, Mr. Christopher Barclay, a professional community activist from the nuclear free zone of the People's Republic of Takoma Park, who also draws a salary from Verizon as a manager of some sort.

Here's is Mr. Barclay's Memorandum and proposed Resolution in full. Bolding provided courtesy of Sydney Brillo Duodenum:

MONTGOMERY COUNTY BOARD OF EDUCATION
Rockville, Maryland, Maryland
November 18, 2008
MEMORANDUM

To: Members of the Board of Education
From: Christopher S. Barclay, Board Member
Subject: Closing Schools for Presidential Inauguration Day

I appreciated reading the superintendent's November 15, 2008, memorandum outlining his concerns about the possibility of closing Montgomery County Public Schools for the historic inauguration of President-elect Barack Obama on January 20, 2009 (attached). I do not minimize the cost of losing one instructional day in the event of an unseasonal winter; neither am I unaware of the costs that we will likely bear from the spike in employee absences on that day.

One fact that is not in dispute is that this inauguration will be one of historic proportions, unlike any event that we are likely to witness again in our lifetimes. It is one that calls for individuals and families to celebrate and savor the moment and reflect upon the journey that has made Mr. Obama the first African-American president of our great nation. I think that as leaders of our school system, we have an opportunity and an obligation to have a discussion about the desirability of closing schools not only on this Inauguration Day, but on future inauguration days.

I believe that regardless of the unique historical significance of January 20, 2009, the Montgomery County Public Schools calendar should honor the significance of each presidential inauguration by designating it a holiday, I am requesting that Board officers include this item for discussion and action at our all-day Board meeting on December 9, 2008.

I intend to offer the following resolution to declare Inauguration Day a Montgomery County Public Schools holiday beginning with January 20, 2009:

WHEREAS, On January 20, 2009, Senator Barack Obama will be sworn in as the 44th President of the United States, and Senator Joseph Biden will be sworn in as Vice President of the United States; and -

WHEREAS, The Board of Education extends best wishes for success to our President-elect in his historic election as the first African-American president of our great nation; and

WHEREAS, The Montgomery County Public Schools should instill upon our students a keen awareness of the Presidential Inaugural as a key aspect of our democracy and encourage active participation of schools in emphasizing the importance and historical significance of the inauguration; and

WHEREAS, Several jurisdictions in the Washington metropolitan area have declared Inauguration Day a school holiday so that students and staff could fully participate in the Inauguration activities; now therefore be it

Resolved, That January 20, 2009, be designated as a Montgomery County Public School system holiday for Inauguration Day, with three contingency days remaining (instead of four) in the 2008-2009 school calendar, and be it further

Resolved, That all future school calendars designate Inauguration Day a school system holiday, with appropriate adjustments made to account for emergencies and legally-mandated instructional days.

Attachment
Copy to: Dr.Weast

**********

Word of this memorandum and resolution is now sloshing through the Internet tubes causing high priced attorneys at major DC law firms, who shall remain nameless, to send e-mails, such as the one below, to school list serves, revealing deep passions on the subject as well as severe ignorance of the process of the transfer of power in our dear Republic. Again, Sydney Brillo Duodenum does the bolding on your behalf:

I strongly oppose Mr. Barclay's resolution. While I oppose making this inauguration day a holiday because of the high costs and low benefits (especially when addressing this particular inauguration in schools would be an excellent teaching opportunity at all levels), this proposal would require the county to deal with the financial and educational costs of closing schools on inauguration day every year! [Listen up, people, Obama deserves an Inauguration every year, damn it! - SBD] There is simply no good reason to do that. While the proposal states that ""The Montgomery County Public Schools should instill upon our students a keen awareness of the Presidential Inaugural as a key aspect of our democracy and encourage active participation of schools in emphasizing the importance and historical significance of the inauguration," that is simply not the case. A presidential inauguration itself has very little to do with our democracy [Just another peaceful transfer of power folks, nothing to see here, move along, move along. - SBD] and to emphasize it would indeed be harmful in that it would elevate the presidency over the other two, co-equal branches of our government (about which our children could certainly stand to learn more).

With respect to closing school just for this inauguration day, the bottom line is that very, very few students will be able to participate in this year's inauguration activities if they do not do so in school. Forcing parents to make alternative arrangements for childcare [Bingo!!! Think of the clients!- SBD] and forcing many students to spend the day in back-up daycare (unaware of the inauguration) is hardly a fitting way to mark this event.


Spoken like a true high priced attorney who cannot imagine having to spend a non-weekend day with their children. But, Lord, if this is characteristic of the logic employed on behalf of her clients, then good luck to them.

Sydney Brillo Duodenum agrees with Mr. Barclay that this Inauguration has obvious historic import and compels our attention and respect. But he finds it most interesting that until this Inauguration of this President-elect all the other Inaugurations were not worthy of being set aside as days of jubilation and reflection of how great our country is. Only now do the fundamentals of our Republic have legitimacy. Only now are we to be proud of how we transfer power in this country.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Now Holder on A Minute, Buddy

National Review reviews the choice of Eric Hacker, er Holder for the Attorney General slot.

He is convinced justice in America needs to be “established” rather than enforced; he’s excited about hate crimes and enthusiastic about the constitutionally dubious Violence Against Women Act; he’s a supporter of affirmative action and a practitioner of the statistical voodoo that makes it
possible to burden police departments with accusations of racial profiling and the states with charges of racially skewed death-penalty enforcement; he’s more likely to be animated by a touchy-feely Reno-esque agenda than traditional enforcement against crimes; he’s in favor of ending the detentions of enemy combatants at Guantanamo Bay and favors income redistribution to address the supposed root causes of crime.

[...]

Holder’s role was aptly described as “unconscionable” by a congressional committee. He steered Rich’s allies to retain the influential former White House counsel Jack Quinn (Holder later conceded he hoped Quinn would help him become attorney general in a Gore administration); he helped Quinn directly lobby Clinton, doing an end-run around the standard pardon process (including DOJ’s pardon attorney); and he kept the deliberations hidden from the district U.S. attorney and investigative agencies prosecuting Rich so they couldn’t learn about the pardon application and register their objections.

[...]

In 1999, over the objections of the FBI, the Bureau of Prisons, and prosecuting attorneys, Holder supported Clinton’s commutation of the sentences of 16 FALN conspirators.

[...]

Equally noxious were the stealthy pardons of Susan Rosenberg and Linda Evans — Weather Underground terrorists associated with Obama’s friends Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn — issued on the same day as the Rich pardon.
It always amazes Sydney Brillo Duodenum when people set themselves up to fail. Of all the people - nay of all the lawyers - in this country, are we really so hard up for law enforcement talent that the only logical choice is Mr. Holder? It's possible that this selection is direct evidence that Mr. Obama, who barely served four of his six years as a freshman Illinois Senator simply lacks a network of reputable people and must return to the offal pile left behind by the Clintons. We've been over the whole lack of experience thing, which by definition implies lack of experienced cronies and hacks to call your own.

In any event, it's clear indication that Obama simply doesn't care about this man's resume and in fact he likes it, particularly the skulduggery he engaged in with respect to the pardons of loathsome people such as Marky Mark Rich. To Mr. Obama, this is the mark of an operative and one who will know how to hire and engage his own operatives who will work 50 feet off the ground, well below radar, on the shadow policies, programs and imprimaturs of the Obama administration. Were Mr. Obama facing an opposition controlled Judiciary Committee, he might have chosen otherwise, but the American people have decided that they need no checks and balances for the next two years at least, which is all the time that Mr. Obama needs to stock his fish tank with piranhas.

Now, Mr. Obama's folly here is that he thinks he can put obvious hacks and morally failed people such as Mr. Holder in top slots and not have it bite him on the ass later on. But we know that Mr. Obama is full of hubris and audacity and arrogance and all the other attributes of a megalomaniac. The bitch is setting himself up.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Just Say No

Using his vast network of moles and syncophants, Sydney Brillo Duodenum has come into possession of a memorandum which fully exposes the extent to which a grown man has been fully removed from the ability to say, "No." Below we have the memorandum of Mr. Jerry D. Weast, the superintendant of schools of the Montgomery County, Maryland school system, to the Montgomery County Board of Education. Mr. Weast has been under increasing pressure by the teachers' union and pockets of high-toned liberal moms to close Montgomery County schools on Inauguration Day, owing to its historic proportions.

It is this writer's learned opinion that Mr. Weast will rue the day he sent forth this recommendation. Nevertheless, the man shows some balls, however small they may be, and despite his promising a day full of in-class indoctrination on the life, mind and body altering significance of His Magnificant Significance.

Here be the lamentations of the Weast:


MEMORANDUM
To: Members of the Board of Education
From: Jerry D. Weast, Superintendent of Schools
Subject: Implications of Closing Schools for the Presidential Inauguration

As you are aware, we have received numerous inquiries requesting that we close Montgomery County Public Schools (MCPS) for the historic Inauguration of President-elect Barack Obama on January 20, 2009.

While I appreciate the magnitude of this occasion and the excitement it is generating, I do not recommend that we close schools for the day for several reasons. As we have only four contingency days built into the calendar, relinquishing one for the Inauguration will leave us with only three which could result in having to extend the calendar in the summer by one day. In addition, I am greatly concerned that many parents will not have the day off from work and thus will be presented with child care dilemmas that will cause families significant hardships. We have heard from families expressing this concern.

Another important reason is that we have about 36,000 students who receive free and reduced-price meals from MCPS and thus could be forced to go without breakfast or lunch that day if we do not open schools. It is unrealistic to believe that vast numbers of our students or staff will be able to physically attend the Inauguration because of the difficulty of obtaining tickets or to attend the parade because of the magnitude of the crowds. We also do not know what the weather will be on that day and what impact that may have on a family’s decision to attend the events downtown. Thus, I believe that the classroom provides an excellent venue from which to watch this historical event unfold.

Principals and teachers will be prepared to celebrate and hold class discussions and make certain this is a special day for all students. The Office of Curriculum and Instructional Programs is developing appropriate grade-level lesson plans for teachers. Below I have provided additional information about the significant financial and instructional implications that I have considered, especially given the difficult economic environment.

Operational Implications.

Should we use one of the four contingency days for January 20, 2009, and need more than three days for weather-related closings this winter, the day would need to be made up, resulting in a cost of approximately $600,000 (This assumes limiting the number of 10-month supporting services employees who would be called back to work on the makeup day. If all 10-month employees worked, the amount would be $970,000).

Facilities—Forty-seven facilities with Day Care will need to remain open at a cost of approximately $23,000. This is the cost of having building services staff members receive time and one-half pay in addition to holiday pay. Facilities with scheduled ICB activities in the afternoon and evening will need to remain open at a cost of approximately $68,000. This is the cost of having building services staff members receive time and one-half pay in addition to holiday pay.

Transportation—Transportation for special education students to nonpublic placements cannot be cancelled by MCPS, resulting in a cost of $46,000. This is the cost of having bus operators, bus attendants, and transportation depot staff members receive time and one-half pay in addition to holiday pay.

Food Services—Staff will receive holiday pay without the off-setting income resulting in a revenue loss of approximately $130,000.

Security— The cost for patrolling and monitoring buildings on a holiday is $3,900.

Instructional and Extracurricular Implications. Maryland State Department of Education High School Assessment Algebra make-up examination cannot be changed, which will result in a lost opportunity for students. The MCPS final exam schedule will need to be revised.
Practices for winter sports—basketball, wrestling, indoor track, swimming, and diving—will be cancelled.

I know that my recommendation may not be well-received by some, but I believe it is the right course of action for the district. For those families who want to take their children out of school for the celebration, the absence will be excused and the student can make up any missed work.
For the majority of our staff and students who will not be able to attend the Inauguration, schools will provide a unique educational setting to witness this historic occasion.

We have received some correspondence suggesting that the high school exam schedule should be modified. In January, there is a “testing window” for high school exams from January 16 to 23, and schools develop their own schedule within this window. Typically, high schools schedule two exams in the morning (7:30 to 9:30 a.m. and 10:00 a.m. until noon)for the first three days of exams. On the fourth day, one exam is given and there is an opportunity for students to make up exams. The fifth day is set aside for make-up exams. Most schools also use the afternoon of each day in the exam schedule to allow students to make up exams.

Some high school principals are considering changing their schedule by having only one exam in the morning of January 20, 2009. This is an acceptable option. Schools will not have the option of not having any exams on January 20. I expect principals to use a decision-making process that includes stakeholders to decide the schedule according to the interests of the school community. High school students who take the day off to participate in activities on January 20, 2009, and receive an excused absence will need to utilize the existing make-up options to complete their final exams within the testing window.

If you have any questions, please call Larry Bowers, chief operating officer, at (301) [DELETED], or me.

Guns, guns, guns!

A friend relates his visit to a Denver area gun shop:


The owners said weapons, esp. shotguns, pistols with lasers and AR15s, are flying off the shelves. On Thursday night, the shop got in 30,000 rounds of ammo. By Sat afternoon when we arrived, they had 2,000 rounds left. They have 15 AR15s on order and 9 of them already have deposits on them.

When I asked the instructor in front of the class for his opinion as to why gun sales are up and his courses are fully booked for the next six months, he said, "People are just worried about the economy." But later, when I was alone with him, he said, "You know that question you asked me earlier? Well, the real answer, at least based on what people are telling me in confidence, is two words: Barrack Obama. Not gonna say any more about that."
There is hope yet that the People, when they perceive in their gut that a man who promises everything - "whatever it takes" - on behalf of the government can also demand anything on behalf of the government. It will seem silly to your average coastal elite this primitive response to hope and change by gunning up, but most Americans remain suspicious tribalists who take their fundamental liberties quite seriously.

Sydney Brillo Duodenum will make some broad generalizations, as follows:

Liberals reflect their understanding of their constitutional rights in libertinism, laissez faire personal behavior, and the communal involvement and forced participation in the same. They look to the government to protect their behaviors and to enforce their behaviors on society at large. They take solace in government as personal protector.

Conservatives reflect their understanding of their constitutional rights in self-reliance, individual liberty, happiness (virtue), and their own share of libertinism and laissez faire personal behavior. They take solace in themselves and their personal alliances as protector. The average American also takes solace in the Second Amendment and its plain meaning of the right to bear arms to protect and defend their other rights. Many of these average Americans don't own firearms, though. Years of liberal abuse of the art and mentality of self-preservation and preparedness have chipped away at the edifice of common sense that once informed a free people that they must stand ready to be the highest unit of order in society,let alone in their home or on their street. Still, most Americans maintain an instinctual understanding of the Constitution and self-preservation and the average constitutional theorist and technician is invited to go fuck himself with his technical interpretations of these sacred rights. Obama is viewed as one such technician. Obama has promised that the government will do "whatever it takes" to protect and serve them and a lot of average Americans just don't believe it and just don't want it.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Places to Avoid

One more reason to avoid Portland, OR:

"It's one of the reasons I live in Portland. As far as you can see - as far in front of you and behind - it's naked people." -- Michael Hammond, Nude Cycling Activist

One of the reasons that Sydney Brillo Duodenum lives in the DC area is because as far as you can see - as far in front of you and behind - it's clothed people.

Leading Indicators of the Obama Bubble

President-elect Obama's transition web site now features His video address "Your Weekly Address", (wow, just for me!? (blush)) formatted as a YouTube video, currently shot in some nondescript wood paneled conference room in Chicago with an autographed basketball and legal books behind in the background, as well as an American flag that looks like it is about to topple onto His head. What, no picture of Michelle? To this man inhabiting the periphery of Jadedtown, USA, Obama comes off as a mid-level marketing manager using a cheap online conferencing website to discuss the latest advertising campaign with the sales force. We'll have to wait for Him to take His seat in the Oval Office before we get the full Spielberg treatment.

Meow parenthetical: (Even creepier is the video featuring Transition co-chair Valerie Jarrett, who no one in the world wants to know or get comfortable with, providing updates on the pace and success of the transition. Do we like giant herringbone jackets, Valerie? Maybe some of Palin's campaign wardrobe is available.)

According to the site, "President-elect Obama plans to publish these weekly updates through the Transition and then from the White House." Oh, joy, because otherwise we would not be informed of what the Supreme Being is doing, what with the hostile press and daily YouTube video attacks targeting the Mystery Agenda, which appears to be defined right now as "whatever it takes."

In the past these types of canned addresses and policy pipsqueaks have been reserved for radio, which few ever heard, and which at most a 5 second clip might be used by a mainstream media outlet. By moving the address to a YouTube format, President Obama will reach all of His nut roots on a weekly basis and will provide ready made, canned video for the press to play over and over and over and over as an example of how Mr. Obama is connecting directly with The People. You. He's talking to you buddy. Better upgrade your Internet connection to decrease the chance of messaging buffering. It would not surprise Sydney Brillo Duodenum to hear of Obama Club members gathering for Sunday brunch and communal viewing of the latest encyclical from his High Holiness. These videos could be the new mimosa.

Sydney Brillo Duodenum sees it simply as this: Mr. Calm views the American people as frightened children in need of soothing, dulcet goodness in regular doses. These weekly videos are only just the beginning. The Obama administration is shaping up to be the most highly orchestrated image and message machine in history.

To bitter clingers, it's just one more rose-colored decoration on the insufferability cake.

This country has witnessed a number of bubbles over the past 10-15 years - the dot com bubble, the housing bubble, the CSI spin off bubble, the euro bubble, the energy bubble, the Britney bubble. We are now witnessing the creation of the Obama bubble. It will not be pretty when it explodes.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

47 and 0

The first number is the number of piles of leaves raked into the street that Sydney Brillo Dog will inspect on his evening walk for cat feces, dog feces, half eaten Halloween candy thrown down by children, contractor's fast food wrappers, baby squirrels blown out of their nests by the wind, squished mice carcasses, and a thousand smells unknown to man.

The second number is the number of foul late night snacks that Sydney Brillo Duodenum prevented Sydney Brillo Dog from eating.

A Bloody Outrage!

The Telegraph reports that Prime Minister Gordon Brown is "facing a series of battles as he prepares a package of tax cuts aimed at putting money in people's pockets by Christmas."

Christmas?!

CHRISTMAS!!!???

Don't you mean "Holiday?"

Don't you mean this "Winter Season?"

One can only suppose that its present distraction with the banning of moth balls and the enforcement of the straight banana rule has caused the EU to let this incredibly insulting endeavor move forward without lodging a protest.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Put Down the Pen, Already

Peggy Noonan, who has made a career of finding the precise word or phrase to describe a person, place, event, or movement, goes to great lengths in her latest Wall Street Journal column, America Throws Long, to avoid the usual stereotypes in describing Barack Obama:

Questions with Picture Answers!

What must be going through Joe Biden's mind as he watches Hillary Clinton negotiate taking on the role of Secretary of State?

Does Joe "36 Years of Foreign Policy Committee Experience in the Senate" Biden have the psychological fortitude to deal with Hillary "Zero Years on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee" Clinton as Secretary of State?

If Joe Biden isn't functioning as the Shadow Secretary of State, but is still "hands-on" with respect to foreign policy, how is he not setting himself up to be next most dangerous vice president we'll have in American history?


Michael Ramirez


Wood Roasted Scallops and Other Inconveniences

The New York Times' Peter Baker writes the outline for what will most likely be the first chapter of the first volume of his life long chronicalization of The Obama Era. A growth industry, at the very least. Mr. Baker attempts to capture these brief pre-Inaugural weeks when Mr. Obama is still just one of us, if one of us is a sheltered, Ivy League trained, socialist professional politician who has been campaigning for the presidency since 2004.

Mr.Baker writes:

Life for the newly chosen president and his family has changed forever. Even the constraints and security of the campaign trail do not compare to the bubble that has enveloped him in the 10 days since his election. Renegade, as the Secret Service calls him, now lives within the strict limits that come with the most powerful office on the planet.


What was it Yeats wrote? Oh yes:

All changed, changed utterly:

A terrible beauty is born.

Precisely. Anyway . . . is Sydney Brillo Duodenum to believe that Barack Obama only just began living in a bubble? Really?

After two years of daily speeches and rallies, he has retreated into an almost hermitlike seclusion, largely hidden from public view and spotted only when he drops his two daughters off for school or goes for a workout at the gymnasium in a friend’s apartment building.

Well, flop sweat can be tough to get under control, so laying low is perfectly understandable.

“This is a tremendous personal transition, as well, far beyond what anyone could imagine,” said Alexi Giannoulias, the Illinois state treasurer and a close friend. “Little things, like going to the gym, going to the movies, going to dinner with his wife, none of that will ever be the same again. Things that we take for granted.”
It plays for you, sir.


Baker interviews regular people living within His Presence:

“It’s changed. It’s a little inconvenient, just a little, when you have to go around three blocks to go one block. I don’t mind, though, because I got the president I voted for. If the price is a little inconvenience, that’s O.K.” -- Mesha Caudle, 45, who lives a block from the Obamas.
Oh, honey, you ain't seen inconvenience yet. None of us have.

But no one has been more effected by the election than Mr. Obama:

For Mr. Obama, it means no more casually stopping by the Medici for pastries or heading over to Valois for lunch or window shopping with the girls at 57th Street Books, at least not without elaborate preparation. He did manage to take his wife, Michelle, on Saturday night to Spiaggia, a four-star Italian restaurant in downtown Chicago, where the future president loves the wood-roasted scallops.
Suffer the little pastries. And often times Sydney Brillo Duodenum has "window shopped" for books with his children, hoping one day to actually enter the book store and, perchance, open a long lost favorite, such as Audacious Dreams from My Deadbeat Dad. Still, just a regular middle class day that ends with a $28 plate of scallops. The kind of day none of us will be able to enjoy once Mr. Obama begins - how do they say it? - oh, yes - fucking with the economy.

“He seems to be very, very focused on the transition,” said his friend, John W.Rogers Jr.chairman of Ariel Investments, who lent office space to Mr. Obama until the federal space was available. “It doesn’t seem to have changed him at all. He’s the same relaxed, in-control, engaging Barack that he’s always been. I’ve been struck by that, that it hasn’t shifted him.”
As suspected. Everything and everyone must change. Except Mr. Obama. And the wood roasted scallops. Do not fuck with Mr. Obama's scallops.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Guess What?

42 Days


Until


Christmas!!


Quick, Someone Get a Bucket of Water!

Obama has tapped Madeline Albright of all people to represent him at the G20 Economic Circle Jerk.





CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you can believe in.



Monday, November 10, 2008

How Not to Cope

Paul Mirengoff at Powerline offers a number of suggestions for how conservatives can "cope" with an Obama presidency:


Pray that President Obama achieves greatness in office. Our overriding concern must always be the country we love, not the success of a party or an ideology.


This is non-sensical. Sydney Brillo Duodenum does not want President Obama to achieve greatness in office, precisely because he loves his country and its founding ideology. There - it's been said. Barack Obama does not love THIS country. He loves a country he has yet to create. He has said it himself in so many words.

Greatness is measurement. How will Barack Obama's greatness be measured by the appointed tailors? It will be against Obama's own benchmarks revealed ever so painfully and banally over the last two years: Colossal social welfare government programs. Communistic egalitarianism. A government-dependent middle class. A command economy. A huge federal bureaucracy. Anthropomorphic Earth worship. Corporatism. Coercive redistribution of wealth. A weakened military. Draft-based militarized community organizer brigades. A curtailed free market. State-ordered scientific endeavor. The final eviction of faith from the public sphere. A Supreme judiciary enforcing social justice. The list goes on. Taken together, they represent a measurement of lost liberty. Tracking in the opposite direction on an upward scale is its evil twin tyranny. Is this exaggeration? Hyperbole? Fantasy?

Another coping mechanism from Mirengoff:

Be loyal in your opposition. As my blog partner Scott Johnson puts it, paraphrasing Steven Decatur: "May he always be in the right; but our president, right or wrong."

Well, if one is to paraphrase, then one must paraphrase, not make shit up. The correct Decatur quote, a toast in fact, is: "Our Country! In her intercourse with foreign nations may she always be in the right; but right or wrong, our country!"

Thus, applied to Obama, we have, however inelegant, this: "Our Obama! In his intercourse with foreign nations may he always be in the right; but right or wrong, our Obama." This is quite different than saying, "Our Obama, right or wrong."

Some of us - outlaws as Protein Wisdom's Jeff Goldstein calls us - have spent 20 or so months declaring that Obama is most assuredly wrong on just about everything; that he has hidden his principles, philosophy and values as he has gained attention, but they will fully emerge in time from the cocoon of the Oval Office. The election does not change our analysis, nor causes us to junk our principles; does not direct us to place a man above our reason and our firm beliefs. We outlaws are not loyal to the president. We are loyal to the Constitution and laws of this country and so to the extent that he preserves, protects and defends the Constitution, then he garners respectful opposition as opposed mad derangement.

SBD reads into these goodwill declarations a too hard effort to appear exactly opposite of the left wing nut roots that made an industry of vilifying and attacking President Bush from the day Al Gore reluctantly abandoned his legal effort to wrest the presidency from Bush and which continue to this day as evidenced last week on election night when upon McCain's concession a large crowd of hundreds - college students, federal workers, professional activists - descended on Lafayette Square across from the White House to demand that President Bush immediately resign. Given the chance, they would have stormed the White House Front Lawn and dragged the man to his death.

So, we do not cope with Barack Obama by embracing the rhetoric and the mystery and the enveloping mysticism and by hoping for a strange success because he is simply the president and the president should always be successful and we should always be loyal to his efforts. Rubbish. We cope by doing precisely the opposite.

Telling the Difference

The latest from President-elect Obama:

President-elect Obama said rich nations must abandon their "unsustainable lifestyle" to fight climate change and expand help to poor nations bearing the brunt of worsening droughts and rising sea levels.

Obama told the opening of a conference Friday the financial crisis was no reason for rich nations to delay fighting global warming.

"As the global financial crisis spreads and worsens, and the world economy slows down apparently, the international community must not waver in its determination to tackle climate change," Obama said.

"Developed countries shoulder the duty and responsibility to tackle climate change and should alter their unsustainable lifestyle," he told the meeting.

Obama has said wealthy nations should divert as much as 1 percent of their economic worth to paying for clean technology transfers and helping the Third World overcome damage from the rising temperatures bringing more heatwaves and droughts, more powerful storms and rising sea levels.


GOTCHA!!

Here's the real article:

Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao said rich nations must abandon their "unsustainable lifestyle" to fight climate change and expand help to poor nations bearing the brunt of worsening droughts and rising sea levels.

Wen told the opening of a conference Friday the financial crisis was no reason for rich nations to delay fighting global warming.

"As the global financial crisis spreads and worsens, and the world economy slows down apparently, the international community must not waver in its determination to tackle climate change," Xinhua news agency quoted him as saying.

"Developed countries shoulder the duty and responsibility to tackle climate change and should alter their unsustainable lifestyle," he told the meeting.

Chinese officials have said wealthy nations should divert as much as 1 percent of their economic worth to paying for clean technology transfers and helping the Third World overcome damage from the rising temperatures bringing more heatwaves and droughts, more powerful storms and rising sea levels.


Sydney Brillo Duodenum always enjoys it when what Chinese Communists say is indistinguishable from what Barack Obama might say.

Your Child's New Reading List

The aliens over at the American Federation of Teachers (or the Teachers' Union as humans call it) have recognized that their opportunity for world domination is now in the next phase of implementation and now are doubling their efforts to ensure that all the little cattle, er human children, are properly fattened on a steady diet of tripe and offal in the form of recommended class reading lists.

From the "recommended reading" list:

Use these resources to start or supplement your school or classroom
library.

Pre-K and Early Elementary

Barack Obama: An American Story, by Roberta Edwards A
biographical work about Barack Obama's struggle with race and identity
throughout his life.

Barack Obama: Son of Promise, Child of Hope, by Nikki Grimes
A biographical picture book about Obama's ability to find hope.

Late Elementary

Yes We Can: A Biography of Barack Obama, by Garen Thomas A
biography of Obama geared toward students ages 9-12.

Barack Obama: Voice of Unity, Hope, and Change, by Libby
Hughes A Biography of Obama that paints a vivid picture of Hawaii,
Indonesia, Kenya and Kansas as the scenery behind Obama's life.

Middle School

Barack Obama: Working to Make a Difference, by Marlene Targ
Bril Personal portrait of Obama bolstered by interviews with Obama's
colleagues.

Barack Obama: We Are One People, by Michael Schuman Written
for teens, this biography provides information about Obama's life, from
childhood through his upstart political career.

High School

Hopes and Dreams: The Story of Barack Obama, by Steve Dougherty An
up-to-the-moment biography of Obama.

Barack Obama: The Politics of Hope, by William Michael Davis
A biography of Obama by a former congressional staffer.


Somehow, the following tomes were left off the list:

Barack Obama: My Days in the Chicago New Party, by Barack Obama The 25th in Barack Obama's autobiography series. Although already well-documented in the mainstream media, this book provides new insights from the man himself of his membership in the socialist Chicago New Party.

Obama and Ayers: Education Radicals A frolicking trip through the heady days of Obama and Bill Ayers collaboration to raze the institutions of education in Chicago and rebuild them into activist hothouses.

G-D Damn BaracKKK Obama: A Rev. Wright Memoir A detailed remembrance by Rev. Wright of his time mentoring a young Barack Obama.

The New Little Red Book A complete guide to the ideology of Barack Obama and the Democrat Party

57 States, by Barack Obama Written for kindergartners, Barack Obama uses bold colors (red), fun shapes (including red stars and crescents!), happy silly animals (smart donkeys, dumbo elephants) to retrace his path to the presidency through all 57 states. A true keepsake for when Obama has done away with all the actual states and created One Big Happy World.

The Bus Driver's Almanac of Political Whitewashing, by Michael Barone A complete listing of all the friends, advisers, associates, family members and probably pets that Barack Obama has thrown under the bus since he became a national figure. As an added bonus, a complete biography of Clinton era hacks and cronies who are on Team Obama is included, with a special forward by Jamie Gorelick. Also includes a major index of all the promises Barack Obama broke before he was elected President. [Please note that this volume will be updated every six months to account for the rapidly changing Obama administration. Don't let your students fall behind on this critical information. Lock in your discount now.]

Your Mother and Father Are Selfish, Greedy Bastards, by Suze Orman and Austin Goolsbee. Renowned personal finance guru Orman and completely unknown economics flake Austin Goolsbee direct this volume at high schoolers attending exclusive private schools. Provides a complete exposition of how low tax rates are directly responsible for all the ills of the world. Provides work tables so children can estimate how much their parents are withholding from the government through questionable tax loopholes and charitable givings, and provides dedicated phone numbers, web sites and e-mail addresses where rich kids can contact the IRS to report their selfish, greedy parents. A sample chapter is viewable at pavlik morozov dot com.

Happy 233rd Birthday Marines!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

First Taste



Old Chub Scottish Style Ale


Source: Bethesda Market, Bethesda, Maryland

Brewer: Oskar Blues Brewery, Lyons, Colorado

Marketing BS: "The cola-colored beer (almost black) features a tan head, a creamy, skim-milk mouthfeel, and rich, semi-sweet flavors of caramel and chocolate throughout. The addition of smoked grains gives Old Chub a delicate kiss of smoke on the finish. Old Chub is the beer equivalent of a lightly smoked single malt scotch, or your favorite dark chocolate. We call it Rocky Mountain Mutha's Milk. People who tell us defiantly, 'I don't drink dark beer,' often fall deeply in love with Old Chub. We can't blame them."

More Marketing BS: On the can it says, "Old Chub is a behemoth of a beer brewed in the tradition of the finest Scottish style ales. We brew it with huge quantities of caramel and chocolate malt, add a touch of smoked malt. Our liquid philanthropy is your 12-ounce snub to conformity."

Translation of Marketing BS: Our beer is fat and so will you be if you drink too much of it.

Setting: Family room in front of TV

Bottle: Comes in a standard issue aluminum can.

Label: No label, it's a can. Has the look and coloring of a Scotsman's filty kilt or a Catholic school girl's nicely pressed skirt. Bizarro font choice but it screams out at you from the cold case.

The Cap: No cap; it's a can. Tab, though, pulls without so much as a whisper, causing immediate suspicions of a flat waste of time.

Alcohol Content: 8%. You won't have any kind of chub if you drink more than one, buddy.

Method of Imbibation: Straight from the can because SBD is sometimes influenced into a deep dark Irish depression when he sees a really dark beer.

First swig: Flash back to first chugging of a can of Michelob. After that, hints of Reeses peanutbutter cup mixed with Baby Ruth bar, probably because Sydney Brillo Duodenum conducted a taste test of Sydney Brillo Duodenum Junior's leftover Halloween candy before initiating the taste testing. Half way through the alcohol convinces you that it tastes like a chocolate caramel Toffefay soaked in a 15 year old Balvenie, albeit with a hint of tin due to the can.

Competition: Any other obnoxious Colorado micro brewery

Recommendation: Dude, it's got 8% alcohol. Of course you should buy it.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Tell Us How You Really Feel About Him

Newsweek Columnist Evan Thomas used these words in the space of 30 seconds to describe President-elect Obama:

Creepy
Admirable
Cult of Personality
Manager of His Own Spectacle
Singular
Deeply Manipulative Guy
Pretty Calm Guy

Somehow Mr. Thomas failed to find these precise words when he was describing Presidential Candidate Barack Obama.

Mission accomplished, eh Evan?

Twit.

Rahm Emanuel's Ethics Portfolio

If Jim Johnson, the former Chairman and CEO of the Federal National Mortgage Association (Fannie Mae)(1991-1998) and Friend of Angelo, was forced to step down from the Obama campaign's vice presidential search committee because of his involvement in a deferred compensation scandal under his watch at Fannie Mae and for accepting of low-cost loans from major mortgage company Countrywide, then why is Congressmen Rahm Emanuel, who sat on the board of the equally corrupt Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation (Freddie Mac) from 2000-2001, a time during which it lied about its profits to mislead investors, stepping up to be President-elect Obama's Chief of Staff?

One supposes that since he only worked at Freddie for some 13 months, most likely to draw a handsome salary to be used towards his first run at Congress, that he can't reasonably be held accountable for the shenanigans taking place under his nose. And truly, he is not responsible because his role on the board was a sham from the get go. President Bill Clinton appointed Emanuel to the board in his final year. Positions at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were rewards for loyal soldiers of the Clinton machine, a place to hang out, make some crazy coin and devote time to positioning oneself for later power positions. Sydney Brillo Duodenum seems to recall some palaver from Presidential Candidate Obama about not rewarding CEOs and board members of corrupt corporations, particularly those associated with the housing debacle.

The choice of Emanuel is interesting, particularly in light of the Ministry of Hope and Change's stated goal to "Free the Executive Branch from Special Interest Influence." What better way to do that than to hire the people who know exactly how it's done. Brilliant. Foxes. Hens. Houses. Whatever.

Here are some of the duties to be included in Rahm Emanuel's new portfolio:

Close the Revolving Door on Former and Future Employers:
No political appointees in an Obama-Biden administration will be permitted to work on regulations or contracts directly and substantially related to their prior employer for two years. And no political appointee will be able to lobby the executive branch after leaving government service during the remainder of the administration.

Free Career Officials from the Influence of Politics: Obama will issue an executive order asking all new hires at the agencies to sign a form affirming that no political appointee offered them the job solely on the basis of political affiliation or contribution.

Reform the Political Appointee Process: FEMA Director Michael Brown was not qualified to head the agency, and the result was a disaster for the people of the Gulf Coast. But in an Obama-Biden administration, every official will have to rise to the standard of proven excellence in the agency's mission.

Blah, Blah, Blah, BLLLLLAAAAHHHH, Blah: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Blahblahblah. Blah, Blah blah blah blah blah blah.


UPDATE 11/10/08: Well, that didn't long. The censors have splashed a tanker load of whiteout all over the Ministry of Hope and Change website.

According to a Wasington Times report:

Over the weekend President-elect Barack Obama scrubbed Change.gov, his transition Web site, deleting most of what had been a massive agenda copied directly from his campaign Web site. Gone are the promises on how an Obama administration would handle 25 different agenda items - everything from Iraq and immigration to taxes and urban policy - all items laid out on his campaign Web site, www.BarackObama.com.

Instead, the official agenda on Change.gov has been boiled down to one vague paragraph proclaiming a plan “to revive the economy, to fix our health care, education, and social security systems, to define a clear path to energy independence, to end the war in Iraq responsibly and finish our mission in Afghanistan, and to work with our allies to prevent Iran from developing a nuclear weapon, among many other domestic and foreign policy objectives.”

Man vs. Wild



Surfer Kerby Brown said: "Usually the wave never steps out or goes evil like that one, but it just went dry."

Another language Sydney Brillo Duodenum does not understand.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Time To Be Outlaws

Jeff Goldstein at Protein Wisdom has an important post related to all the suck-uppery being conducted by the "loyal opposition" in the press and the blogosphere, specifically the calls post-election to rise above politics, put aside the battles of the election and associated emotions, and embrace the President-elect and be hopeful of the tsunami of hope and change coming ashore.

Blogger Patterico, who has made a reputation exposing the awful bias of the LA Times, and who did not support Barack Obama for President, wrote that, despite his less than good relationships, ungood campaign methods and thuggery, and double plus ungood plans for the country, Obama is "a good man."

Patterico wrote further: "But I make no apologies for saying he is a good man. He is my President. He is our President. And while he hasn’t always done good, [sic] I do believe he is fundamentally a good man and a patriot who wants to make this country a better place."

Well, Sydney Brillo Duodenum could not agree less but he lacks the skills and the sleep to put together a response the way Jeff Goldstein does, thus:

This “good man” was involved in ACORN blackmail schemes. With an attempt to fraudulently undermine the Second Amendment by gaming court rulings. He got rich off of schemes that led to the mortgage crisis — then stood by and let others fix it in order to keep his hands clean during the final stages of an election. He has thrown in with race hustlers,” reformers” who believe that domestic terrorism was a valid form of expression, odious foreign potentates –

There is nothing at all noble about praising a man and a party who reviles you simply because in doing so you appear noble. Jews have tried that. And it’s often ended with skeletons and ash, or the twisted wreckage of a bus in Tel Aviv.

In this case, it will end with more McCains — and so more Obamas and Reids and Pelosis and Olbermans.

If that’s nobility, I’m not interested. Yes, Obama is my President. But that doesn’t mean I’m forced to forget all he’s done to get there — and all that’s been done on his behalf,either by the savage supporters who went after Joe the Plumber and Sarah Palin, or by the “objective media” that sold its soul for a shot at establishing the government it desired.

A good man?

A good politician, sure. A dedicated husband and father, yes. But a good man?

Sorry. But good men don’t lie, cheat, steal, and throw longtime supporters by the wayside just so they can rise to power — even if they’ve convinced themselves they’re doing so for some Greater Good.

Because the fact is, in this country, they’re not supposed to get to decide what that is. We are.

The rest is hubris.


In a follow-up in response to some other blogger’s attempt to smooth things out by stating that, whether or not oppositionists call Obama a good man or not, is near the bottom of the list of priorities, Goldstein responds “that ‘whether or not we should say that Obama is a nice guy’ is vitally important — and that, far from being ‘damned near the bottom of the list of priorities,’ it speaks to something classical liberals need to put at the top of their priority list: namely, a refusal to allow that tactics of progressives to pass unchallenged or even to be celebrated.”

More fully:

In an political environment wherein the left has managed to turn the introduction of inconvenient facts into “smears” or “racism,” this willingness, on the part of some conservatives, to believe themselves capable of seizing the moral high ground by essentially giving cover to the demonstrably bad by allowing that it is merely “misguided,” is yet another step toward the very kind of partisan pragmatism that has cost Republicans so dearly, and that, even more troubling, has served to devalue language and further institutionalize a dangerous idea of how interpretation works.

When Bill Bennett was attacked as a racist, many conservatives were quick to get out in front of the issue and suggest that, while they didn’t believe Bennett to be a racist, he was reckless nevertheless in allowing himself to be depicted that way by opportunistic progressives. And it was at that point that they ceded greater control of language to those who seek to use it dishonestly and cynically as a bludgeon, and in doing so, sent the signal that such was an effective way to control conservative speech. Bennett, you’ll
recall, went out of his way to make clear his intent. But we were told that others might misinterpret that intent, and so Bennett was to blame for putting himself in that position.

The proper answer, of course, was to point out the entirety of Bennett’s comments, note that there was nothing racist about them, and to insist that those who might be offended by those comments learn to read for comprehension and in context. Period. No excuses, no concessions. Bennett meant what he meant, and what he meant was clear to anyone who bothered to work through his argument.

Don’t want to be offended? Learn to interpret properly.

Here, similarly, progressives — who ran a thuggish campaign that consisted of truth squads, attempts to have advertising removed, the personal and very public destruction of private citizens (from Joe the Plumber to Trig Palin) — can take from “high minded” posts like Patterico’s the message that they can always count on conservative self-righteousness to protect them from recrimination, that their pragmatism and cynicism will always prove successful strategically so long as conservatives maintain a desire to appear above the fray.

Patterico accused me of “demonizing” all Democrats, which is patently absurd. In fact, I dealt specifically with denying the appellation “good man” to someone who, through his actions, has proven to be anything but. It matters who gets called a “good man.” It matters who we say has this country’s best interests at heart. And yes,it’s possible Obama does, to a certain extent — though what is important to recognize is that, at least so far as his governing principles to this point suggest, he doesn’t hold that view from the perspective of the country as it was founded, and as it was intended to be governed.

Which means that Obama’s best interests for the country are really the best interests for a country he’d like to see this one become — a new text that he’d like us to believe will be but an re-interpretation of the original text.

As someone who believes in the principles upon which this country was founded, I refuse to allow that someone whose ideological predispositions compel him to radically redefine that “imperfect document” that is the Constitution, has this country’s best interests at heart.

And I likewise refuse to allow that a man whose thuggish deeds and unsavory associations have defined him be granted the honor of “good man.” Because to do so is to make a mockery of good men, and to cede yet another bit of our ability to evaluate and describe and conclude in good faith into a bit of “hate speech” that won’t help the GOP regain power.

To which I say, outlaws ain’t team players. And it’s time to be outlaws.

Bald-Faced Media Bias

Apparently, some things won't change under the Obama administration.

"I want to do everything I can to make this thing work, this new presidency work . . . that's my job . . . to make this thing work because this country needs a successful presidency." Chris Matthews, MSNBC Hack.

Is this not precisely what he tried to do for the Bush administration?

Watch him fail to dissemble here: http://www.breitbart.tv/html/214673.html

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Conservative Food


This is an astounding development. Culinary brilliance never yet bottled (jarred?).

Imagine: freshly sliced Boar's Head roast beef, two slices of domestic Swiss, a few slices of beefsteak tomahto, a sleave of lettuce and a generous slathering of Baconnaise on two LazyBoy soft Kaiser roll halves.

And there's a "lite" version that can be kept in plain sight for when the new hunta's food police start their home inspections in February.

Face the Day

Sydney Brillo Duodenum worked up a good lather this morning. Swirling the Col. Conk’s into a rich warm froth with his badger brush, he laid it on thick and then let it sit on his face for a minute longer than usual. His face sufficiently tenderized and cajoled into cooperation, he drew a fresh, doubled edged blade from its sheath, inserted it gingerly into his razor, and removed yesterday’s shadow from his face. He then got on with his day. And so it is. We must all get on with our day.

Here are some thoughts from the clean shaven:

Steven Den Beste: Not The End of the World

The Baseball Crank: Obama Administration Survival Guide

Philip Klein: Conservatism Can Rise Again

The Real Revo: Liberal Guide to Being A Member of the Opposition Party

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Thank you, John McCain


Hero
Patriot
Soldier
Servant
Leader
Father
Believer
Moderate Liberal Conservative
Bus Driver
Gut Whisperer
Crusty Old Bastard