Sunday, December 28, 2008

First Taste


2008 Sierra Nevada 12th Release Harvest Wet Hop Ale

Source: Montgomery County, Maryland Liquor and Wine Control Authority

Brewer: Sierra Nevada Brewing Company

Marketing BS: "Our Harvest Ale was the first American beer ever brewed with 100% fresh picked, wet hops. In just one day, we harvest hops in Yakima, WA, ship them that night to our brewery in Chico, CA and then rush them into the brew kettle as they are unloaded at dawn the next day. This extraordinary effort creates a beer with unmatched aromatics of pine and citrus with layers of spicy-sweet notes that hop fanatics like us dream of all year. Enjoy!"

Translation of Marketing BS: This is one wet motherfucker of a beer and you'll be wet in the pants just thinking about it.

Setting: In front of TV watching playoff football alone three days after Christmas and after too many days with parents and sisters and dealing with all their unchanging idiosyncrasies, annoyances, and stupidity.

Bottle: A big, brown, heavy 24 ounce bastard.

Label: Plays on the usual Sierra Nevada treasure map look and feel: brown and gold. Picture of Cascade mountains and a field of hop plants under minuscule marketing BS type.

The Cap: A barely perceptible "Pssst" upon release.

Alcohol Content: 6.7%. Remember, it's 24 ounces. An important consideration if attempting to recover from an overdose of holiday familiatyphus.

Method of Imbibation: Pint glass

First Swig: A great wash of bitterness and wonder. Sweetness follows. Mission accomplished, you genius bastards at Sierra Nevada. Steps on the tongue like a dozen Italian farm girls stomping on grapes. Lots of grapefruit (white, not ruby red). Strangely, a slight taste of Port Salut cheese. Not picking up any pine trees, though. Perhaps a hint of pressure treated 2x4.

Competition: No clue.

Recommendation: Drink lots of this while it is available. If you buy a bunch, you might get a cool, wooden little crate, which you can use to store crap under your tool bench.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

1600 Pennsylvania Ave

Although the focus remains on President-select Obama's man boobs on full display in Hawaii and his stunningly cool reactions, graceful obfuscations, and serene investigations into those unfortunate distractions involving that man with the absurd head of hair, efforts continue apace in Washington, D.C., to prepare the city for the Inauguration and associated parades.

After Obama is sworn in, he will embark on a parade down Pennsylvania Ave to the Lafayette Park plaza just north of the White House, which has served as the national protest park for years. On any given day, you can enjoy the sights and sounds of democracy in full bounce and swing.
















In any event, workers are putting together viewing stands to house the new President and his most special guests and dignitaries, where they will sit for the parade of fools and American Idol wannabees.

There are two main stands, one opposite the other. This picture shows the stand being built just for Oprah and her entourage. Notice the Big "O". Also, notice the steel framing, designed to take into consideration her recent announcement that she weighs "200 pounds."




The stand pictured below will serve to house the President. The structure will be left "as is" in order to symbolize the current economic depression.



The stand is designed to resemble new affordable housing abandoned by a developer owned by hedge funds that put all their money under the care of Bernie Madoff. Once Obama has taken his seat in the structure and as the parade proceeds, union workers, community activists, Al Gore, and pre-schoolers who have been thrown out of their day care facilities by Sarah Palin, will descend on the structure and build around Obama a sustainably green apartment complex, outfitted with solar panels, composting toilets, free WiFi, a 24-hour abortion clinic, and Ikea furniture. The structure will serve as permanent housing for the legion of protesters, hippies, drunks, righteous clergy and graduate students who on any given day have been occupying Lafayette Park banging on drums and throwing shoes over the White House fence in perpetual protest of George Bush and the United States. Although under the Obama administration there will be nothing to protest, professional protesters will now have a facility where they can "work" and live, shacking up together in comfort and preparing a new generation of Brights and socially conscious, ever ready to crowd into Lafayette Park with their drums and rattles should The Man take control of things.

Nog

Off to the men's social club to meet Pere Duodenum at the Annual Christmas Brunch . . .


Friday, December 19, 2008

Santa, Bring My Baby Back to Me

Tony Woodlief in the Wall Street Journal on the annual effort to save Santa from assholes:

I know Caleb [his son] and his brothers will figure out the Santa secret eventually, but I'm with Chesterton in resisting the elevation of science and reason to the exclusion of magic, of mystery, of faith. That's why I'm not giving up on Santa without a fight. Not everything we believe, I explain to Caleb, can be proved (or disproved) by science. We believe in impossible things, and in unseen things, beginning with our own souls and working outward. It's a delicate thing, preparing him to let go of Santa without simultaneously embracing the notion that only what can be detected by the five senses is real.
This is the last Christmas that your host expects his 10 year old son to fervently believe in Santa Claus. Last year, Sydney Brillo Duodenum ordered a large drum set for Junior and it was almost his undoing. SBD had the drums shipped to his mother’s house. The drum set arrived nested inside a single box. SBD likes drama around his Christmas tree on Christmas morning, so the set had to be built and ready to play on Christmas morning. Five drums and two cymbals and associated stands and a drummer’s throne. All very impossible to hide once built. Thus, SBD waited until Christmas Eve’s Eve, after the children had gone to bed, to retrieve it, and a large pink lounge chair for his sister in a gigantic box, from his parent’s house and stow them in his garden shed. He covered them with a sheet, but there would be no way the kids would go into the garden shed on Christmas Eve. Well, of course they did when SBD made a quick trip to the local CVS to pick up some crap for stocking stuffers. Mrs. Duodenum thought it would be a good idea to send the kids outside to work off some energy, despite Mr. Duodenum’s stern warnings that no one was to be allowed anywhere in the backyard. SBD Junior opened the shed door and caught a glimpse of a crash cymbal as well as the corner of an enormous box. He was just a peep as he told it but it was enough. SBD loves to confess, so he wasted no time telling his story of discovery and how he knew he was getting a drum set because he saw a part of it in the shed. He then asked, “Are you Santa Claus, Dad?”

“Absolutely not.”

“But are those drums from you?”

“You didn’t see any drums. You saw a cymbal.”

“But what’s in the big box?”

“What big box?”

“The one in the shed?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t put any big box in the shed.”

We went to the shed and I opened the door a slight crack and then shut it real quick.

“I have no idea where that stuff came from.”

Keeping them confused is a parent’s main line of defense against knowledge of the real world. A little more Abbott and Costello was enough to make Junior drop the subject long enough for SBD to steal to his computer and craft a letter on official North Pole stationary from Santa addressed to SBD informing him that because he, Santa, was so busy, he would preposition certain items, in particular a drum set and a large pink lounge chair, in SBD’s shed ahead of Christmas morning. This letter was presented to SBD Junior in the strictest secrecy. This gave SBD the opportunity to admit that he had lied to his son [which every boy finds very cool because it reveals weakness in their parent which can be exploited later], but only because Santa had cautioned in his letter about revealing this bit of Santa’s magic and logistics management. It was enough for SBD Junior to crawl back under his comfy blanket of myth and sugarplums. The drums have since been his constant joy and main source of aerobic exercise. And he thanks Santa daily for them.

But as the year has passed and shortly after Thanksgiving, Junior began probing Sydney Brillo Duodenum's weaker moments to catch him in a con, but a Level Red Advisory was raised just after Thanksgiving, and no little insurgent will compromise one of Western childhood's most sacred secrets. SBD has gone to great lengths over the years to create a sense of magic and mystery and puzzlement at the impossible physics of the whole thing. He’s made sure to read only certain books around Christmastime that reinforce the concept of Santa as a superhero of sorts with a secret lair in the frozen north populated by unseen magic creatures of lore, such as elves and reindeer. Just the other day, he sternly reminded the kids to get their letters in order and put them in the mail. After seeing them off to school, he even carefully removed the return address label they put on them so that the government in its infinite efficiency didn’t aid and abet the assholes sowing doubt in the hearts of little kids all over the country by sending the letter simply addressed to “Santa Claus, North Pole” back to your house with a big stamp on it saying, RETURN TO SENDER, ADDRESS UNKNOWN.

Still, the boy is human and thus has doubt. He has also been hanging out with two types of children that are the equivalent of nuclear armed Russia and China – omnipresent, unavoidable, and always causing trouble. The first group: his Jewish friends – colossal resentment and cultural isolation the chief motivating influences there. The second group is generally isolated to very liberal suburban neighborhoods. These kids have parents who allow them to do whatever the hell they want, whenever the hell they want to do it. These kids consume the worst popular culture, and have complete unsupervised use of television and the Internet. They know a great deal. In some cultures, these children would be accused of being witches and burned at the stake. The parents of these kids cannot wait for their children to grow up, so they move them through their childhoods as quickly as they can, and there is no room for silly myths about fat white hegemonic Eurocentric elves, with loose ties to oppressive organized religion. These parents think they are giving their kids a leg up on their peers by giving them full, complete explanations of everything. Most of them are fully versed on sex and can pick out a nice Merlot when they are at dinner with the family. These children take great pride in making their peers appear to be babies, and there is no easier way to do that than to accuse another kid of believing in Santa Claus. Brillo Junior has so been accused.

Armed with taboo knowledge and the sting of peer pressure, Brillo Junior’s mode of discovery is clever. You may be sitting at your laptop, secretly buying a LEGO set on Amazon, when you sense a slight breeze on your ear, look to your right and find your eyes locked with his, but eight inches away.

“Are you Santa Claus?”

A full frontal assault, it is. He looks for any tell: a quick look away, a wrong smile, a small bead of sweat on the upper lip, a big picture of LEGO building set on the laptop. You’ve been prepared for this moment and it has arrived. You have one shot at keeping the question from coming up again this year.

The proper response will result in silence. After delivering it, you must not say anything. Maintain full eye contact and a blank face. He expects you to say what you said last year, that there most certainly is a Santa and believing in his magic is the key to an overflowing cornucopia of Nintendo DS games, Star Wars action figures, and a drum set. He expects you to quickly pull up the Yes, Virginia, There is A Santa Claus letter online and read it to him again. He expects you to show him the actual letter you received last year explaining the early presence of a drum set and a large pink lounge chair in your shed. But, you need to bring in the heavy fire power to preserve the holiday one last time. Here is what you must say.

“Yes, I am, which is why you aren’t getting anything for Christmas.”

Look for the bead of sweat on HIS upper lip. With your statement, you confirm his absolute worst fear. You, not Santa, are the authority. You, who do nothing but prevent, block and interfere with his demands and lording over the household. Admitting to being Santa is the last thing your boy wants to hear. He wants affirmation of his hopes, not his worst fear. He wants his friends to be wrong. He wants to know he was right for the past nine years.

Why his worst fear? There is of course the loss of childish innocence and wonder and mystery of the knowable universe. But he won’t know he’s lost it until he actually loses it and then decides he wants it back again and so decides to get married and have children. But ten year olds function in the immediate and with your statement, he immediately knows he is screwed. Why? Because you have close knowledge of his daily crimes of childhood – the bawling, the bickering, the tattling, the crying, the lazing, the forgetting, the messing, the burping, the back talking, the farting, the ignoring. At least with Santa, there is always the hope in his mind that Santa is just too damn busy to really keep track of the naughty and the nice. Santa’s got magic, but he ain’t God for Pete’s sake. God hears all prayers. Santa may not see a crying jag because some kid in Sweden just mouthed off to his Mom. Also, the Catholic child who is participating in weekly or monthly acts of reconciliation will believe that those forays before a priest will count in Santa’s book. If it’s good enough for the Good Lord, then it should be good enough for the Good Elf.

The ten year old who every year has received from Santa just about every cool present he has asked for will not believe that he got those things from “the meanest father in the world.” It defies his logic.

“No, you’re not. You’re just saying that.”

“Know so or hope so?”

“I know so.”

“I hope you’re right.”

At this point, he should be thoroughly confused. You want to keep him confused so he eventually retreats into the warm, comforting belief that there is a FAIR Santa, not a mean Dad, who will make his wishes come true, as they have every Christmas. And it’s much easier for him to do this with less than seven days to go before Christmas, as doubt is a lonely place to be.

“I know I’m right.”

All ten year old boys must be right. They must.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Heiress

“Hopefully I can come back and answer all those questions,” she called out as she got into the S.U.V.

You mean after you are appointed Governor?

The Old Empire

Sydney Brillo Duodenum likes to keep up with what's going on in other parts of the world. He seems to recall receiving an MA degree attesting to some general expertise as to things foreign.

Today, he takes a look at the state of the countries and localities that comprise, or once did, the British Empire.

England: The Royal Mail is seeking an infusion of private capital. Not to modernize or anything, but principally to get someone to cover its multi-billion pound pension liabilities. Like the United States, unfunded, underfunded, bankrupted, etc. pension funds will be what delivers us all to Hades.

Canada: At a time when Prime Minister Stephen Harper is being excoriated for not being Barack Obama, public sector workers in Canada are feeling very optimistic about their situation, so much so they are suspending their public interest duties until they get an even better deal than the one they have.

The United States: The Nanny State enlarges as New Regulations for Pool Drains Set to Take Effect.

Australia: The Rudd government has announced "the formation of the Australian Multicultural Advisory Council to advise it on promoting social cohesion and stemming racism. Its predecessor was allowed to lapse in 2006 and Australia has been without a multicultural policy since." This is in response to the horrific and shameful statement of former Prime Minister John Howard, who uttered this thought crime against humanity: "When you come to this country, you become Australian." It is now the policy of the Australia government to ensure that no one living in Australia be forced to be an Australian.

Zimbabwe: International war criminal Robert Mugabe is placing blame for the outbreak of cholera on a British conspiracy to drive him from office and sow discord in his kingdom of heaven on earth. The outbreak is the next logical step in Mugabe's attempt to turn his country into a giant concentration camp. South Africa, where one might gaze in hopes of seeing some moral leadership with respect to calling for Mugabe to quit or die, has only this to offer from its president Kgalema Molanthe: "The issue of whether President Mugabe should go or not was never been raised by the parties [discussing a political settlement within Zimbabwe]. So, it's really not for us - I mean, I don't know whether the British feel qualified to impose that on the people of Zimbabwe." Somebody needs to find the qualifications to assassinate Mugabe and his terror regime now.

Bermuda: According to the Royal Gazette, "Bermuda has once again topped the table of countries with the highest gross domestic product per capita, according to official figures released yesterday. The Island generated $5.85 billion of wealth in 2007, which works out at $91,477 per person." Wonder what that is now in the wake of the Bernie Madoff news.

Falkland Islands: No cause for alarm: "The Commander British Forces South Atlantic, Air Commodore Gordon Moulds, was quick to respond to suggestions in the British press that the Falkland Islands would be left undefended by the decision to divert the frigate HMS Northumberland [the only warship between the Islands and Argentina] to a European Union counter- piracy mission off the coast of East Africa." Really, it's not like troublemakers like Putin are throwing their support behind Argentina's claim on the Islands. Oh, wait.

Ireland: Striking a blow for civilization, Ireland has prevailed over European barbarians seeking to vanquish the most important of Old World measures: the pint. "The nation's drinkers breathed a sigh of relief this morning after news emerged from the European Parliament that Ireland can keep pouring pints indefinitely. The parliament officially adopted a proposal this morning which enables Ireland and the UK to continue to use both metric and other measurements such as pounds and ounces if desired. The ruling covers pints of milk and beer and cider on draught and also approves the use of miles for speed indications, road distances and signs in the UK." Constant vigilance, gentlemen, constant vigilance.

St. Helena: A report from Governor Andrew Gurr states that, "There were only three substantive items on today’s agenda and all of them were open to the public although none were in attendance." St. Helena's population is less than 4,500. The first item on the agenda is that eligible Saints, as they are called on that island, are not registering to vote. The Governor laments, "As this is the very foundation of our democracy I cannot think of any good reason for denying oneself a vote, but I respect the freedom that we all have here to make such decisions for ourselves." Another agenda item has to do with the Immigration Control Ordinance which forbids immigrants from purchasing scarce island land without a license from the government. The Governor opines that "it seems to me that provides a very good reason for making sure that the names of all Saints eligible to vote are on the Register of Electors." In Australia, this man would be in jail.

British Antarctic Territory: Still a merciless, alien wasteland.


Monday, December 15, 2008

Question of the Day

How many shoes did Muntazir Al-Zaidi throw at Saddam Hussein?


Friday, December 12, 2008

And so the week ends . . .


Late this afternoon, following his office's "Holiday Party," Sydney Brillo Duodenum ventured forth from his government issued sanctuary to search the shops of the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History and the Museum of Natural History for Christmas presents for friends and family. He visited six shops, stores, and kiosks, breaking off every now and then to view the Star Spangled Banner, the Price of Freedom: Americans At War exhibit, and freakish marine creatures. He found nothing. Rather, he found nothing worth the bother of toting back across the windswept Mall to his building, such as a 15 pound giant paperweight mollusk carved in Morocco from a block of granite. It's not a fossil, though, just the Moroccan craftsman's idea of what a mollusk might look like if it were discovered embedded in what really should serve as a kitchen counter top. A steal, nevertheless, at 50% off its $99 price tag. There were many substantial books, all with substantial price tags and all obtainable at a serious discount from Amazon or Barnes and Noble. The toys were "meh" and the clothes all stamped with the name of the museum and so serving only the purpose of reminding a tourist where they spent a few days while visiting Washington. None of it inspired and nobody was present to force a decision on the mollusks.

Upon exiting the Natural History Museum, SBD was alerted to a voicemail. It was Sydney Brillo Duodenum Jr., on duty with his mother at another national mall, breathlessly and earnestly asking if his aunt's boyfriend, "Dan," who just barely passes the "can I call him uncle" test, would wear an XXL or XL Under Armour t-shirt. In an effort to build SBD Jr.'s strength in making tough choices without the benefit of authoritarian input, the call went unreturned. Although, if the message had been heard earlier, "Uncle Dan" would be getting a fake Moroccan mollusk for Christmas.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

First Taste - Samuel Adams Hallertau Imperial Pilsner

Today's First Taste is brought to you by occasional contributor Waldie Duester.


Hallertau Imperial Pilsner

Source: Bethesda Market, Bethesda, Maryland

Brewer: Samuel Adams

Marketing BS: "Yes, we're a little obsessed with hops. Every autumn for over twenty years, [Boston Brewery founder] Jim Koch has traveled to one of the oldest hop-growing regions in the world, the Hallertau region of Bavaria in Germany, to hand-select Noble Bavarian hops, including the Hallertau Mittelfrueh variety. This special variety is considered to be one of the best in the world, prized for its unique taste and aroma. Samuel Adams® Hallertau Imperial Pilsner is a celebration of these extraordinary hops. This beer is one of the hoppiest in the world, without being overly bitter. With the first sip, you will experience an explosion of some of the world's finest hops. And we mean “explosion” in a good way. Brewed as a showcase for the hops, this bold brew highlights the spicy, citrus flavors and aromas of the Hallertau Mittelfrueh hops that are abundant in the recipe. The intense hops flavor is balanced with the slight sweetness from the malt. The brew remains pleasantly well-balanced from beginning to end, due to the quality of the hops, and continues to always be, well, "hoppy," providing hop lovers with an amazing beer drinking experience."

Translation of Marketing BS: Beer lovers will love the variety and this will make hop lovers cream [their pants - SBD].

Setting: [Waldie Duester's near octogenarian] parent’s Christmas party with 4 couples from their tennis group. Despite my luke-warm response to attending the gathering, my response was heard as an enthusiastic, “I would not miss it!!”

Bottle: Basic Sam Adams bottle with the appropriate label [thanks for the detailed analysis - SBD]

Label: Could not really tell you because I was more interested in getting into the nectar inside.

The Cap: Not a twist off but came off with the appropriate amount of effort and gave up a welcoming, “Pssst” upon freeing it.

Alcohol Content: No clue, but it feels like 7 a lot. It may have been the surroundings but about half way through, the party did not seem so bad.

Method of Imbibation: Straight from the bottle, cold and refreshing.

First Swig: Welcomed under the circumstances for sure, but I know it would have been well received under any condition. I was first aware of the full flavor as it washed the back of my throat. The coldness of the beer was contrasted with the warming sensation of the hops slowly revealing themselves. My mouth swelled with the comprehensive flavors – hints of dark chocolate, mahogany, full-flavored nuts, hops, balanced acidity, and earth.

Competition: Beer.

Recommendation: I would have enjoyed drinking several more of these plump brews. It did have a bit more filling effect then say, a Guinness. While I started this beer during the cocktail session of the party, I took it to the table with me and it paired beautifully with the Sheppard’s pie and corn casserole.

Ho Ho Hezbollah

Well, it's two weeks until Christmas, so it's that time of year when former president and Nobel Peace Prize winner Jimmy Carter reaches out to terrorists.

Although Hezbollah refused to meet with him, Jimmah is heading to Syria to meet with Hamas. We certainly don't want to leave anyone out during "the Holidays."

Santa Brillo Duodenum knows exactly what he's getting Jimmah for Christmas:


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Kid's A Punk





“We were in the middle of a corruption crime spree and we wanted to stop it.” - US Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald, describing the move to arrest Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich

Really, Elliot Ness?

A crime spree. The middle of a crime spree. Spreeing crime. The middle. Like a bank robber with a list of ten banks he's going to hit, but who is brought down by Barney Fife after taking #5 on the list, the Mayberry Savings and Loan.

So, that means we have a beginning and, indeed, it's laid out quite nicely in the indictment. Apparently all the way back to 2002. Reading the indictment, we see that corruption and extortion were a daily concern of Gov. Blagojevich, albeit all on behalf of the good citizens of Illinois.

Today, though, with the indictment, according to Mr. Ness, we are right in the middle of a new low. So, what was the end game? What were the last five banks on Blagojevich's list? Well, really, one big fat bank. The Fifth Third Bank of Obama's Senate Seat. Reading the indictment and the surveillance tape transcripts, it is Fort Knox. Babyface Blago was not going to let any other capos interfere with his final Big Score, especially that "mother***ker" the President-elect. There were many Contenders for the key to that vault. But Elliot Ness swooped in and took Blago in the middle of his Shredded Wheat breakfast, right in front of the lovely Mrs. Rod "Hold Up That Fucking Cub's Shit ... Fuck Them" Blagojevich. Graftus Interuptus.

According to the transcript, negotiations between Blago and The Contenders really began to heat up in the past two weeks. The tapes reveal conversations between all manner of pols, advisers, lobbyists, millionaires, former congressman, billionaires, and, of course, people within The Circle of The One. Blagojevich was a hair's breadth from trading his right to appoint the successor to Obama in exchange for a highly lucrative package of positions for he and his wife. And from our reading of the indictment, Obama's people were fully engaged in negotiations. For any doubters, it's a wonderful world into pay to play politics and Obama and his team of extraordinary change merchants are nothing new.


Which takes us back to G-Man Ness' "we want to stop it [the crime spree]" statement. Why? Why stop when so many willing participants can be brought into the web of corruption. After all, Fitzgerald kept his Plame/CIA investigation alive for two and a half years after he obtained information identifying Richard Armitage as the Plame name dropper. Somebody stepped in and saved Obama from supreme embarrassment if criminal conduct on the eve of The MOST HISTORIC INAUGURATION IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND AND THE UNIVERSE (say that with an echoing voice).

We are left to ponder whether Ness took it upon himself to halt this crime spree or someone else took it upon themselves to direct Ness to pull the plug tout de suite.

Ness went out of his way today to point out that President-elect-elect Obama had no knowledge of these shenanigans. None whatsoever. Mm, hmmmm. A politician borne of the Chitown Hustle has no clue that Blagojevich may try to shop his seat to the highest bidder and we are to believe that Obama won't be one of the bidders for his own cronies? What's truly unbelievable is that Obama, who knows, based on the testimony of Obama's friend, Blago bag man, and federal inmate Tony Rezko, that Blago walks around with one of those little dark rainclouds ready to burst over his head, doesn't stay as far away from Blago as possible, but has his people engage him so he can get his preferred candidate into the seat. He's still thinking the Chicago way. The President-elect of the United States. Kid's a punk. President Punk.

Blue Sky and Sunshine

Does Obama know this Rod Blagojevich?


"I don't believe there's any cloud that hangs over me. I think there's nothing but sunshine hanging over me." -- Indicted Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, Dec. 8, 2008

Oh, really?

Count One:
From in or about 2002 to the present, in Cook County, in the Northern District of Illinois, defendants did,conspire with each other and with others to devise and participate in a scheme to defraud the State of Illinois and the people of the State of Illinois of the honest services of ROD R. BLAGOJEVICH and JOHN HARRIS, infurtherance of which the mails and interstate wire communications would be used, in violation of Title 18, UnitedStates Code, Sections 1341,1343, and 1346; all in violation of Title 18 United States Code, Section 1349.

Count Two:

. . .corruptly solicited and demanded a thing of value, namely, the firing of certain ChicagoTribune editorial members responsible for widely-circulated editorials critical of ROD R. BLAGOJEVICH,intending to be influenced and rewarded in connection with business and transactions of the State of Illinois involving a thing of value of $5,000 or more, namely, the provision of millions of dollars in financial assistance bythe State of Illinois, including through the Illinois Finance Authority, an agency of the State of Illinois, to theTribune Company involving the Wrigley Field baseball stadium; in violation of Title 18, United States Code,Sections 666(a)(1)(B) and 2.

Paragraph 13:

Defendants ROD BLAGOJEVICH and JOHN HARRIS, together with others, attempted to use ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s authority to appoint a United States Senator for the purpose of obtaining personal benefits for ROD BLAGOJEVICH, including, among other things, appointment as Secretary of Health & Human Services in the President-elect’s administration, and alternatively, a lucrative job which they schemed to induce a union to provide to ROD BLAGOJEVICH in exchange for appointing as senator an individual whom ROD BLAGOJEVICH and JOHN HARRIS believed to be favored by union officials and their associates.
Paragraph 60:

In response to questions posed by agents, Individual A has described efforts by ROD BLAGOJEVICH and Fundrasier A to obtain campaign contributions from state contractors by the end of the year. Specifically, Individual A advised that ROD
BLAGOJEVICH is seeking a total of approximately $2.5 million in campaign contributions by the end of the year, principally from or through individuals identified on a list maintained by Friends of Blagojevich. The FBI has obtained a copy of that list, which identifies individuals and entities targeted for campaign contributions, as well as amounts sought from those individuals and entities. A comparison of the names and entities on that list with information available from public sources and FBI investigative files reflects that numerous of the individuals and entities on that list have state contracts or have received public benefits conferred by ROD BLAGOJEVICH, such as appointments to positions in state government.
Paragraph 63:

According to Individual A, after Individual B left the meeting on October 6,2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH told Individual A that he was going to make an upcoming announcement concerning a $1.8 billion project involving the Tollway Authority. ROD BLAGOJEVICH told Individual A that Lobbyist 1 was going to approach Highway Contractor 1 to ask for $500,000 for Friends of Blagojevich. ROD BLAGOJEVICH told Individual A that, “I could have made a larger announcement but wanted to see how they perform by the end of the year. If they don’t perform, fuck ‘em.” According to Individual A, he/she believed that ROD BLAGOJEVICH was telling Individual A that ROD BLAGOJEVICH expected Highway Contractor 1 to raise $500,000 in contributions to Friends of Blagojevich and that ROD BLAGOJEVICH is willing to commit additional state money to the Tollway project but is waiting to see how much money Highway Contractor 1 raises for Friends of Blagojevich.
Paragraph 65:

According to Individual A, on October 8, 2008, during a discussion of fundraising from various individuals and entities, the discussion turned to Children’s Memorial Hospital, and ROD BLAGOJEVICH told Individual A words to the effect of “I’m going to do $8 million for them. I want to get [Hospital Executive 1] for 50.” Individual A understood this to be a reference to a desire to obtain a $50,000 campaign contribution from Hospital Executive 1, the Chief Executive Officer of Children’s Memorial Hospital. Individual A said that he/she understood ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s reference to $8 million to relate to his recent commitment to obtain for Children’s Memorial Hospital $8 million in state funds through some type of pediatric care reimbursement. As described in further detail below, intercepted phone conversations between ROD BLAGOJEVICH and others indicate that ROD BLAGOJEVICH is contemplating rescinding his commitment of state funds to benefit Children’s Memorial Hospital because Hospital Executive 1 has not made a recent campaign contribution to ROD BLAGOJEVICH.
Paragraph 71:

During the course of this investigation, agents have intercepted a series of communications regarding the efforts of ROD BLAGOJEVICH and JOHN HARRIS to corruptly use the power and influence of the Office of the Governor to cause the firing of Chicago Tribune editorial board members as a condition of State of Illinois financial assistance in connection with Wrigley Field. The phone calls reflect that ROD BLAGOJEVICH directed JOHN HARRIS to inform Tribune Owner and an associate of Tribune Owner, Tribune Financial Advisor (Tribune Financial Advisor is believed to be an individual identified in media accounts as a top assistant and financial advisor to Tribune Owner, who played a significant role in Tribune Owner’s purchase of the Tribune), that State of Illinois financial assistance for the Tribune Company’s sale of Wrigley Field would not be forthcoming unless members of the Chicago Tribune’s editorial board were fired.
Paragraph 73:

In another call between ROD BLAGOJEVICH and Deputy Governor A that occurred a short time later on November 3, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH and Deputy Governor A discussed an editorial from the Chicago Tribune regarding the endorsement of Michael Madigan and calling for a committee to consider impeaching ROD BLAGOJEVICH. During the call, ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife can be heard in the background telling ROD BLAGOJEVICH to tell Deputy Governor A “to hold up that fucking Cubs shit. . . fuck them.”
Paragraph 76:

ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that because of the impeachment articles, “we don’t know if we can take a chance and do this IFA deal now. I don’t want to give them agrounds to impeach me.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that “our recommendation is fire all those fucking people, get ‘em the fuck out of there and get us some editorial support.”
Paragraph 87:

During the course of this investigation, agents have intercepted a series of communications regarding the efforts of ROD BLAGOJEVICH, JOHN HARRIS, and othersto misuse this power to obtain personal gain, including financial gain, for ROD
BLAGOJEVICH and his family. In particular, ROD BLAGOJEVICH has been intercepted conspiring to trade the senate seat for particular positions that the President-elect has the power to appoint (e.g. the Secretary of Health and Human Services). ROD BLAGOJEVICH has also been intercepted conspiring to sell the Senate seat in exchange for his wife’s placement on paid corporate boards or ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s placement at a private foundation in a significant position with a substantial salary. ROD BLAGOJEVICH has also been intercepted conspiring to sell the Senate seat in exchange for millions of dollars in funding for a non-profit organization that he would start and that would employ him at a substantial salary after he left the governorship.
Paragraph 89:

On November 3, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH talked with Deputy Governor A. This discussion occurred the day before the United States Presidential election. ROD BLAGOJEVICH and Deputy Governor A discussed the potential Senate seat vacancy. During the conversation, ROD BLAGOJEVICH told Deputy Governor A that if he is not going to get anything of value for the open Senate seat, then ROD BLAGOJEVICH will take the Senate seat himself: “if . . . they’re not going to offer anything of any value, then I might just take it.”
Paragraph 90:

During the call, ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated, “unless I get something real good for [Senate Candidate 1], shit, I’ll just send myself, you know what I’m saying.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH later stated, “I’m going to keep this Senate option for me a real possibility, you know, and therefore I can drive a hard bargain. You hear what I’m saying. And if I don’t get what I want and I’m not satisfied with it, then I’ll just take the Senate seat myself.” Later, ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that the Senate seat “is a fucking valuable thing, you just don’t give it away for nothing.”
Paragraph 92:

On November 4, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH spoke with JOHN HARRIS regarding the potential vacant Senate seat. ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that the “trick . . . is how do you conduct indirectly . . . a negotiation” for the Senate seat. Thereafter, ROD BLAGOJEVICH analogized his situation to that of a sports agent shopping a potential free agent to various teams, stating “how much are you offering, [President-elect]? What are you offering, [Senate Candidate 2]? . . . Can always go to . . . [Senate Candidate 3].” Later ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that he will make a decision on the Senate seat “in good faith . . . but it is not coming for free . . . .It’s got to be good stuff for the people of Illinois and good for me.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH states “[President-elect], you want it? Fine. But, its got to be good or I could always take [the Senate seat].”
Paragraph 93:
On November 5, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH spoke with Deputy Governor A regarding positions that ROD BLAGOJEVICH might be able to obtain in exchange for the soon-to-be vacated Senate seat. Among the potential positions discussed were Secretary of Health and Human Services and various ambassadorships. Deputy Governor A noted that 58 the cabinet position of Secretary of the Energy is “the one that makes the most money.” Deputy Governor A stated that it is hard not to give the Secretary of Energy position to a Texan, but with ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s coal background it might be a possibility.
Paragraph 94:

On November 5, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH spoke with JOHN HARRIS regarding what ROD BLAGOJEVICH could obtain for the Senate seat. After discussing various federal governmental positions that ROD BLAGOJEVICH would trade the Senate seat for, ROD BLAGOJEVICH asked about “the private sector” and whether the Presidentelect could “put something together there. . . .Something big.” Thereafter, HARRIS suggested that the President-elect could make ROD BLAGOJEVICH the head of a private foundation. ROD BLAGOJEVICH told HARRIS that he should do “homework” on private foundations “right away.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH asked whether he could get a high-ranking position at the Red Cross. HARRIS stated that “it’s got to be a group that is dependent on [the President-elect],” and that a President probably could not influence the Red Cross. ROD BLAGOJEVICH told HARRIS to “look into all of those.”
Paragraph 96:

On November 5, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH talked with Advisor A about the Senate seat. During the phone call, ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that the President-elect can remove somebody from a foundation and give the spot to ROD BLAGOJEVICH. In regards to the Senate seat, ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated “I’ve got this thing and it’s fucking golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for fuckin’ nothing. I’m not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it. I can parachute me there.”
Paragraph 99:

ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that he is interested in making $250,000 to $300,000 and being on some organization boards. Advisor B said they should leverage the Presidentelect’s desire to have Senate Candidate 1 appointed to the Senate seat in order to get a head position with Change to Win and a salary. Advisor B agreed that the three-way deal would be a better plan than ROD BLAGOJEVICH appointing Senate Candidate 2 to the Senate seat and getting more done as Governor.
Paragraph 101:

On November 10, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH, his wife, JOHN HARRIS, Governor General Counsel, and various Washington-D.C. based advisors, including Advisor B, discussed the open Senate seat during a conference call. (The Washington D.C.-based advisors to ROD BLAGOJEVICH are believed to have participated on this call from Washington D.C.). Various individuals participated at different times during the call. The call lasted for approximately two hours, and what follows are simply summaries of various portions of the two-hour call. ROD BLAGOJEVICH expressed his interest in figuring out a way to make money and build some financial security, while at the same time potentially participating in the political arena again. ROD BLAGOJEVICH mentioned the Senate seat, the dynamics of a new Presidential administration with the strong contacts that ROD BLAGOJEVICH has in it, and asked what if anything he can do to make that work for him and his wife and his responsibilities as Governor of Illinois.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH asked what he can get from the President-elect for the Senate seat. ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that Governor General Counsel believes the President-elect can get ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife on paid corporate boards in exchange for naming the President-elect’s pick to the Senate. Governor General Counsel asked, “can [the President-elect] help in the private sector. . . where it wouldn’t be tied to him? . . .I mean, so it wouldn’t necessarily look like one for the other.” ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife suggested during the call that she is qualified to sit on corporate boards and has a background in real estate and appraisals. ROD BLAGOJEVICH asked whether there is something that could be done with his wife’s “series 7" license in terms of working out a deal for the Senate seat. ROD BLAGOJEVICH stated that he is “struggling” financially and does “not want to be Governor for the next two years.”

ROD BLAGOJEVICH said that the consultants (Advisor B and another consultant are believed to be on the call at that time) are telling him that he has to “suck it up” for two years and do nothing and give this “motherfucker [the President-elect] his senator. Fuck him. For nothing? Fuck him.”
Paragraph 116:

In addition, in the course of the conversations over the last month, ROD BLAGOJEVICH has spent significant time weighing the option of appointing himself to the open Senate seat, and has expressed a variety of reasons for doing so, including frustration at being “stuck” as governor, a belief that he will be able to obtain greater resources if he is indicted as a sitting Senator as opposed to a sitting governor, and a desire to remake his image in consideration of a possible run for President in 2016, avoid impeachment by the Illinois legislature, make corporate contacts that would be of value to him after leaving public office, facilitate his wife’s employment as a lobbyist, and assist in generating speaking fees should he decide to leave public office.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Bush In Review

Mona Charon begins cataloguing the great works of President George Bush. Today she discusses the deep imprint he has left on Africa:

From the beginning of his administration, President Bush has pushed for more aid to Africa. Motivated perhaps by his deeply felt Christian faith (relieving poverty in Africa has become a major charitable push among evangelicals), the president has pressed for greater aid to Africa across the board. The original PEPFAR legislation (President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief), which passed in 2003, was the largest single health investment by any government ever ($15 billion). At the time the initiative was launched, only about 50,000 sub-Saharan Africans were receiving antiretroviral treatment for AIDS. Today, 1.7 million people in the region, as well as tens of thousands more around the globe, are receiving such treatment. PEPFAR has also funded efforts to prevent mother-to-child transmission of the AIDS virus, provided compassionate care to the sick and dying, and cared for 5 million orphans. One aspect of the program has been to reduce the stigma of the AIDS diagnosis in Africa.

In July of this year, the president requested that funding for PEPFAR be doubled to $30 billion. The new funding will be used to train 140,000 new health-care workers. It would also address other illnesses, like tuberculosis, that often complicate AIDS.

The president also backed a malaria initiative that has provided an estimated 25 million Africans with nets, spraying, and other prevention and treatment options. Separate from the AIDS funds, the president has tripled development assistance and humanitarian aid to Africa since taking office.
Earlier this week, President Bush was awarded the first International Medal of Peace by the Global Peace Coalition, a group brought together by Megachurch founder Rick Warren.

According to Warren's Saddleback Civil Forum website:

The “International Medal of PEACE” is given on behalf of the Global PEACE Coalition for outstanding contribution toward alleviating the five global giants recognized by the Coalition, including pandemic diseases, extreme poverty, illiteracy, self-centered leadership and spiritual emptiness.

The Coalition is a network of churches, businesses and individuals cooperating together to solve humanitarian issues through the PEACE Plan, an effort to mobilize 1billion Christians to Promote reconciliation, Equip servant leaders, Assist the poor, Care for the sick and Educate the next generation.
So, it appears to be a counter of sorts to the now completely meaningless Nobel Peace Prize, of late awarded to frauds (Gore) and blind UN hacks (El Baradei) and America haters (Carter), although this year's award went to Martti Ahtisaari, the veteran UN peace negotiator and former president of Finland.

President-elect Obama also recognized President Bush's leadership on aid to Africa:

I salute President Bush for his leadership in crafting a plan for AIDS relief in Africa and backing it up with funding dedicated to saving lives and preventing the spread of the disease. And my administration will continue this critical work to address the crisis around the world.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Official Duodenum Reaction to Richardson Nomination


Today's Scent


Nothing compares to Clubman products, although one can make something similar at home.

In a pot, steam some brocolli, scallions, a turnip, a hard boiled egg, and some lilac flowers, then steep for 24 hours in a pot with 1 cup of cheap vodka.

Chicks love it!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

In Bizarro World


Saw this picture on the Wall Street Journal website and immediately this caption came to mind:

After several weeks of naming her first tier cabinet picks, President-elect Hillary Clinton has turned her focus to secondary appointments, today naming freshman Illinois Senator Barack H. Obama as her nominee for Director, Office of Healthy Homes and Lead Hazard Control in the Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Oh, well.

Scrooge on the Dole

DOTPenn has news on the latest government bailout recipient:

Government Approves Scrooge & Marley Bailout

Officials from the Bush administration and members of president-elect Barack Obama’s economic team are finishing up a proposal to bail out the world’s biggest counting house, Scrooge & Marley.

Once a financial powerhouse with a sterling balance sheet, the firm has reportedly fallen into wasteful spending practices, heaping money on extra lumps of coal for the employee’s personal heater and providing a luxurious medical plan for the family of Scrooge & Marley’s number two man, Bob Cratchit.

Read the whole thing.

Spanger Claus

Sydney Brillo Duodenum is in the preliminary stages of planning his Christmastime ritual of visiting malls, shopping centers, standalone stores, tree lots, liquor stores, and food purveyors as neceesary to lay in the provisions, accoutrements, scene setters and joy dispensers critical for creating the Christmas he thinks he enjoyed as a child. He loves the festive neighborhood lights and wreathes crafted at the local garden center adorning doors and porch columns. He savors the merrymaking and the little children in their mini-me Brooks Brothers corduroys and sweater vests and velvetine party dresses. Nothing compares to picking out a grand fir tree on a cold evening on a corner lot while a fire burns in an old steel drum and the children drink free shots of apple cider. And so the last thing he wants to see when he is out and about at this time of deep reflection and joy and hope for salvation in the approaching new year is someone on the street begging for a handout.

In Syd's neck of the woods, he most often encounters the median spanger. A spanger is someone asking for spare change, but since they are slightly illiterate, it sounds like "spange" coming out of their mouth. Spread across the very rich Bethesda and Rockville Maryland network of roads, at any major intersection, one can always find a man, most often a man, in dirty clothes, but nicely wrapped nonetheless in a parka with scarf and hat, holding a piece of carboard on which is written some pathetic scribblings about lost work or benefits. When the light turns red, trapping his quary, this man will proceed down the row of cars, lamely bobbing his sign up and down while trying to catch the eye of the driver. He'll gamely try to point to the sign with a gnarled finger. And invariably, the row of idiots dutifully roll down their windows but two inches and ease out some change or even a few paper bills. The man will lift his head in gratitude and then shuffle to the next fool cleaning out his change bin. Given the glee that the traffic mandarins have in slowing everyone down and accomodating every side road and asshat needing to make a left turn, this man may have as many as three minutes to hoover up his donations and then get back to his spot at the median point before the whole damn cycle starts over again and a new row of dunces lamely tries to pick up pennies and nickels with their new Isotoner driving gloves. This man is a full time panhandler. The only edge he is living on is the median for about eight hours a day before he returns home to his government subsidized apartment or townhouse to count out his spange. He makes out very well, particularly around the holidays when everyone is feeling guilty and big hearted. His "job" is quite lucrative. His tell? The shoes. Almost always, these guys have on the latest athletic footwear. All those hours on foot can be taxing on one's feet.

Of course, there are real hardcases, the addle-brained, the addicts, the drunks, all knowable by their missing teeth, crazed eyes and the fact that they are wearing a vomit stained t-shirt in 30 degree weather. Cold hearted bastard that he is, Sydney B will on occasion lighten that fellow or madame's load, but usually only with foodstuffs - no money. Until the ACLU is shut down, these poor souls will be allowed to wander and die in the streets for fear of violating their civil rights by institutionalizing them and helping them beat their personal afflictions and addictions through the wonders of modern medicine. These are the downtrodden and lost souls in need of our focus.

But these others, the median hustlers, they are true relentless bastards and they crowd out the legitimate beggers. When Duodenum can not maneuver into the center lane, he'll give them the hard Duodenum stare and on some occasions the finger. They are the frauds of the panhandling world and need to be bum rushed sooner than later. What distinguishes them from the truly destitute is that they have ability; they have simply given up and have decided to live off the guilt and misplaced generosity of strangers. And that is unacceptable, particularly around the holidays when all the pretty lights and bangles are in full bloom. In some jurisdictions across this country, these professional lazybones are becoming quite belligerant and omnipresent. See Steve Malanga's article at City Journal discussing this growing problem across the country. Malanga points out in his article that there are entire websiters devoted to providing advice on the best strategies for shaking down the rest of us. Understand: these alleged homeless panhandlers have websites through which they can browse for the best advise on being a parasite.

In lower Montgomery County, MD, the elected do-gooders don't give a damn about these tradesman. Every other professional operating in Montgomery County must have a certificate or license to do what they do, except horse masseuses, who must have a veterinary license, but these hustlers must be hauling in $10-$15 an hour on a busy weekend and there is no monitoring by the county, no quality control, no list of regulations of where they can stand, how many cars they may approach in a given hour, the distance from the window they must maintain while verbally begging, the precise font size used on signs as well as proper disclaimers not to mention notice of bond and seal. Why do these small businessmen and women escape the pages and pages of soul sucking regulation that the average shoe repairman or the florist or buffet master must adhere to?

If we can not look to the enlightened elected, then what about those citizens who perpetuate this nonsense by throwing good money literally out the window? How pathetic and disgusting these people are because in the deepest nook of this muffin, these people believe they are purchasing an indulgence for an inexcusable transgression. Johnny Handout has figured these people out quite thoroughly. He knows they loath themselves and their success. He approaches the car and perhaps through some pheromonal agent, the driver becomes intoxicated with emotions of guilt and shame; they look inward and in the blink of an eye, say but for the grace of god, they could be on the street hustling dimes. Maybe if I pay this apparition a small sum he will protect my soul and shield me from the median hell. They believe they are purchasing insurance for a dollar an outing to the mall. They buy the spanger's story and pay him for the tale. It's a cheap salve. And perpetuating it cheapens true charity. Also, it creates the false notion that amidst the commerce and consumption of the boulevard or pikeway or route populated by Bed Bath and Beyond, Anthropologie, Michaels Arts and Crafts, Toys R Us, Bally Fitness, International House of Pancakes, Gladhil Furniture, Dunkin Donuts, REI, BMW, and any dozen other retail houses, there rests an underlayment of poverty and misery. Bullshit! What lies on that boulevard are any number of jobs these sponges could be doing. But collecting tolls from the easily shamed is so much easier.

Oh, but Sydney, what's a quarter here or some dimes there, because it's lost change anyway, right? What's a bit of change? And it's true - there are dimes and nickels and at least 50 cents in pennies in the change box in his car that have sat there for at least seven years undisturbed. Pennies do not feed the meter, so they will never be used. It's sort of like found money. Is it all the lost or stranded change that perpetuates this profession? No. It's the imposed obligation. Obligations can be imposed by authorities, by arbiters of justice. For example, lately, our government has taken upon itself the obligation to impose justice upon the market, which, in theory, has a built-in ability to impose its own justice. Many people across many industries have made terrible decisions and have acted in very bad faith or have committed serious crimes of stupidity and narrow judgement. They now stand in the median in new athletic shoes trying to look downtrodden by flying commercial with their poorly made Powerpoint signs and SEC filings asking for spare change. We must remember that WE ARE THE GOVERNMENT. WE are paying these spangers. And as always, when you pay the spanger, you reinforce the decisions of the spangers, not the decisions of the people who managed to collect the pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and paper bills that in the aggregate represent billions and billions of dollars of their work ethic. That work ethic is being taken for granted. The work ethic of their sons and daughters is being taken for granted. Everytime we pay the spanger we make the case for becoming a spanger in one form or another. In no time at all, we will be a nation of spangers. United Spangers of America. The spangers are all lining up on national median. And the new driver of the Z50 Hybrid America is getting ready to roll down the window much further than the last driver and he's scooping up handfuls of spare change and he's actually getting ready to write checks for the spanger. Don't forget, we pay the spanger to allieve our souls and it was Michelle Obama herself who identified our broken souls and that Barack Obama was going to fix them.

Sydney Brillo Duodenum says fuck the spangers and fuck the aiders and abettors. He's not paying what he isn't compelled to pay under threat of imprisonment. He's going to hoard his change. He won't use it on professional spangers or those who support them or make it easy for them. Fine, give Mr. GM his $18 billion in spange, but Sydney Brillo Duodenum will never purchase anything ever produced by Mr. GM or Mr. Ford. (He may make an exception for Mr. Jeep, though). You see, just as if Sydney had given the median spanger on Rockville Pike 50 cents or a dollar, he will get the same thing in return when his government gives Mr. GM a billion times that - nothing. And his soul will still be heading for hell.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Team New Beginning

"I am confident that this team is what we need to make a new beginning for American national security." - President-elect Barack Obama

What is Sydney Brillo Duodenum to make of these foreign policy team picks by Change Agent-elect Obama? The tenor of news reports is that the selections of Senator Hillary Clinton (SoS), Robert Gates (SoD), Jim Jones (NSA), Susan Rice (UN Amb.), and Janet Napolitano (DHS) for the lead roles in Obama’s Passion Play are the most stunning act of shrewdery since Lincoln did something just like it. A team of rivals, they say. [Let’s note here that everything that Obama does from now on will have been done by Lincoln as well, and thus to question Obama’s decision making is to question Lincoln’s, but you can’t do that because he’s dead and not here to defend himself, so just shut the hell up already.] Eggheads and ball busters all, we are assured, and not the feared UN peaceniks, doves, one-worlders, and social justice crime fighters fretted about during the campaign.

As noted here before, what must be going through Joe Biden’s plugged head? Joe Biden’s chief qualification for the presidency back when he was a mere candidate was his banana thong full of foreign policy machismo. Isn’t that why Obama picked Joe? Because He Himself lacked a banana thong? So, how will Joe distinguish himself on foreign affairs with Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State? Are we to believe that Joe Biden will assume the traditional role of the Vice President, which is to sit back, shut up and wait for some dark day to cloud our national history so he can take up the presidency? Not bloody likely. The only thing Joe Biden can do is try to create a portfolio of shadow governance, machination, maneuvering and shortcutting so perfected by the “most dangerous vice president we have had probably in American history.” Unfortunately for Joe Biden, he’s no Dick Cheney. First, Bush wanted Cheney in that role. Second, Obama does not want Biden in that role. Joe (and the electorate that believed the banana thong held the real deal) got suckered, played, rolled, jacked, hustled by a kid from Chicago. In any event, the woman who Joe Biden declared more qualified to be Vice President of the United States is now allegedly the most qualified to be Secretary of State. Joe is probably thinking that if he hadn’t taken the VP slot, then he could have been Secretary of State, he could have flown all over creation twisting arms, threatening repercussions, promising black budget outlays. There’s a continuous loop of “goddammit!!” playing over and over in Joe’s plugged, botoxed head.

Now, as for Ms. Clinton, it is Sydney Brillo Duodenum’s suspicion that this nomination is the end game of the summer of hate between Clinton and Obama. Remember all the drama about whether Clinton would challenge Obama at the convention, that she was working behind the scenes to steal the nomination from Obama? She could have made trouble but she bargained early and has always had right of first refusal on the State portfolio. But why would she go all in on the Obama administration? What about 2012? What about the Obama implosion and Carter II? Not going to happen. Even if the Obama presidency crashes upon the rocks, it will not be reported as such; after all, Obama inherited the equivalent of a post-nuclear apocalyptic wasteland from Bush, and there is only so much a demi-god can accomplish. And, in any event, there is no Democrat in their right mind who could ever run against Him and secure the nomination. Who will run against The One? Obama would have to kill an intern in the Oval Office, not just receive fellatio, to be hounded from office. Clinton will have to wait until 2016 to consider the presidency. She will be 69 or so. There is no pants suit that will serve to benefit Hillary Clinton when she is 69 or so. And she is not Margaret Thatcher. She’ll make a go of it, though. Thus, she can either continue to represent the victims of New York and play second fiddle to Chuck Schumer or fly the globe busting balls for the Change Agent. She may last the entire first term, but no one can expect a Clinton turn at State to be without drama, so we shall see. And what drama can we expect? Well, suffice it to say that Ms. Clinton is not a team player. She will not play nicely with Gates or Jones or Rice. Half her time will be spent crushing and marginalizing them and, with a weak sister like Obama in the executive seat, she’ll do what she will. Clinton will get to look and act like a president as she hops from one basket case to another. It’s part of her grand plan.

But what do all these choices mean? Sydney Brillo Duodenum is now supposed to stand perplexed as The Great One hires people alleged to represent a tough centrist line in foreign policy. He’s supposed to see Obama’s halo in a new light. He’s not a radical lefty, after all. Why, no, he’s a reasonable centrist! And his people are hawks! That’s right. Hillary Clinton is a tough former Cold Warrior who knows how to stand up to thugocracies. Susan Rice is a cold hearted bastard who whip the rapist at the UN into shape. Gates is a Bush war criminal, for Pete's sake. Jim Jones is a Marine, for Christ’s sake!! He’s probably killed people with his bare hands!!

Sydney Brillo Duodenum cares only about this: will these people keep this country safe? The fact is that nothing changed on November 4th. World War IV continues. Our enemies still hate us. Our friends still resent us. Our allies still need air cover and sea power and garrisoned armies and missile defense and bailouts. The irony is that for nearly eight years we have heard from Democrats and their press what a complete disaster Bush’s foreign policy has been, but look at the Democrat’s foreign policy since the end of 2001 - a shameful, disgusting wreck. Their constant and rending opposition to every move by President Bush has made prosecuting World War IV a painful and miserable undertaking. They undermined our country while we are at war. They tried to create Vietnam II here and abroad. There was no loyalty in their opposition, other than to their own power. Tell Sydney Brillo Duodenum that Harry Reid is a patriot and he’ll punch you in the snout! They fell in with and allowed their party to be hijacked by the worst sort of America-bashing bastards. They gave aid and comfort to our enemies by never directly condemning their actions, by making victims of thugs like Ahmmadinthehead and Assad and Chavez and Castro. Sure, Bush’s policies may be ugly, but DC is not a smoking hole in the ground, no elementary school in a New York suburb has been through a Beslan episode, a group of 20-somethings have not yet landed on the beach of Atlantic City and conducted room to room massacres at the Borgada Spa and Casino, the Bright Angel Lodge at the Grand Canyon full of boy scouts has not been firebombed by a burqa-clad mother, and a million other scenarios that have been contemplated by soldiers of the red crescent have not happened because they have been interdicted by a determined SOB from Texas. He's done something right. Sure, these things can happen. They happen every damn day across the globe. But they haven’t happened here. There’s some things Obama and Team New Beginning better not change.

Douchebag


Gateway Pundit finds this douchebag in the midst of murder and mayhem.

Fortunately for Sydney Brillo Duodenum, boycotting this asshat's movies won't be difficult.