Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Stay at War

Dear Diary:

Woke up in a foul mood today because a wretched lying narcissist is still going to be "leading" the government for the next four years.  Foul because more than half my "fellow" Americans are really my enemy for putting him there again.  An extreme assessment perhaps, but I don't know how else to describe people who have abandoned, if not work to destroy on an hourly basis, the Constitution of the United States.  Listen you pantywaisted candy asses - I'm not part of one big American Family, that rises and falls together.  You're not my family and Barack is not our father, you sick twisted adolescents.  Grow the fuck up.  The catalog of crimes is out there, thoroughly documented, so no reason to get it into here.  You ignore it like a teenager ignores the overflowing kitchen garbage can.  

Seeing as the New Year is just around the corner, it's not too soon to put together some preliminary New Year's resolutions.

1. Stop eating Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream.  Of course, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream is just one of any number of corporate brands that soft serve the enemy.  Substitute your enemy brand of choice.  Whatever.  I'm not buying their shit anymore.  I'm not buying their services.  So, "Brand X", I will make a concerted effort to avoid your crap.   Maybe I'll lose some weight in the process.  Bonus!  My cool factor will drop further into negative territory, though.

2. I will tell my Obama-supporting neighbors to go fuck themselves.  Want to borrow my ladder?  Go fuck yourself.  Want me to come to your "Winter Holiday" cocktail party, go fuck your merry-self.  I'm not associating with you.  You're a dangerous threat to the country and I will work to destroy you and your ideas.  Now fuck off but not before getting the fuck off my lawn, you little commie symps.  And no, your kid can't use my basketball hoop.

3. Being the political black sheep in the family necessarily means that mom and siblings - all moronic Hopesters - can also go fuck themselves.  Sister One needs me to move her air conditioner from her window before winter arrives?  Sister, winter is no longer coming; it's here.  So Sis, go fuck yourself.  Call the EPA.  Or better yet, hire someone who's been unemployed for 99 weeks to take it out of the window.  Mom wants me to help her with moving some boxes of holiday decor downstairs?  Hey Mom, go fuck yourself.  Hire a small holiday house decorating company to do it, after all, your Savior is such a champion of small business.  TANSTAAFL!  Oh, you want to spend Thanksgiving together?  No, stuff that turkey up your ass.  Not this year.  I won't sit at the same table with you while you form an "O" with your hands and thank CTHULHU for widening the fissure sucking this country into Hell.

4. Ridicule the President and his minions on a daily basis.  Catalog their crimes.  Teach them to my kids.  Expose the lies, duplicity and danger.  In other words, turn family dinners into a scary hour where Dad rants about the national poltergeists haunting his psyche.  Pass the salt, kids, and finish up those 20 oz sodas.

5. Blame all household austerity on Obama, leftists, the neighbors and grandma.   Sorry Junior, you're not getting that iPhone 5, because, one, you're a damn kid and shouldn't have expensive high tech devices without earning the money working in some soulless fabric covered square for a few years, and two, Obama took the money I would have used to buy it out of guilt because of the horrible peer pressure you face and gave it to our neighbors so they could get free contraceptives for their teenage daughters.  You want the money back, go bang their daughters.  In this way, we build quiet outrage around confiscatory taxes.

6. Add to arsenal.  "Nuff said on that, but I suggest you stay the fuck away from my house if you're my neighbor, a leftist or grandma.

7. Live in opposition to everything and everyone.  Be quiet about it or loud.  Mix it up.  Stay at war.