Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Winter Provisions, Part I

Well, Christmas is only 37 days away, so Sydney Brillo Duodenum is putting together his winter provisions list. Staying sated and tipsy is crucial during this time and requires very specific comestibles. Today, SBD is focusing on beer and spirits capable of carrying him well into the new year. In later posts, we shall examine foodstuffs - meats, fishes, cheeses and dips - and a post devoted to tobaccos. Let's begin.

On the beer list, we have:
The Dogfish Head Burton Baton – as the brewery notes: vanilla, oak, Brandied fruitcake, raisiney, citrusy. Now, that’s what the holidays should taste like.

Guinness – because an Irishman is going to cry during the holidays when he’s alone in his den at 11 pm and the tree's lights are the only thing shining truth upon his wicked, short pathetic existence

Sam Adams Holiday Porter - anti-Catholic bigots and merry church sexcapade pranksters they may be, but forgiveness being a partial holiday theme, they still make some of the best beer in the country. This porter will be a nice accompaniment to the snow covered, body littered London streets of Resistance: Fall of Man (PS3) unless Santa brings him Resistance 2.

Sam Adams Cranberry Lambic – because every holiday needs a bit of sourness. It can’t all be cherubs, sparkly lights, candycanes and evergreen.

On the spirits list:
Knob Creek Bourbon – because there is in the cabinet an unfinished bottle from last year preventing the purchase of new stuff this year.

Jim Beam Red Stag – infused with black cherry flavors - could taste like crap but it sounds holidayish so it’s on the list.

Stranahan’s Colorado Whiskey – because it never fucking snows in the Nation’s capital for Christmas and some lucky bastard is sitting in his snow-buried Rocky Mountain chalet. With every sip, we wish an avalanche upon his head.

On the Scotch list:

The Dalmore Oculus – because SBD still believes in Santa Claus, and the Dalmore is at the top of his list and Santa wouldn’t disappoint SBD again after disappointing him for so many years. Right, Santa?

Glenfiddich 21 - because it's on sale at the Montgomery County Liquor and Wine stores and one must take advantage of the sales at Christmastime.

On the corrupted wines list:
Osborne Pedro Jimenez 1827 - you can't eat a nice blue cheese all by itself

Any 20 year old port - because it makes you feel grand and spoiled and that's a nice feeling on a cold winter's night

SBD invites his rare, random readers to share their must have liquid pacifiers in the comments section.