Monday, December 1, 2008

Team New Beginning

"I am confident that this team is what we need to make a new beginning for American national security." - President-elect Barack Obama

What is Sydney Brillo Duodenum to make of these foreign policy team picks by Change Agent-elect Obama? The tenor of news reports is that the selections of Senator Hillary Clinton (SoS), Robert Gates (SoD), Jim Jones (NSA), Susan Rice (UN Amb.), and Janet Napolitano (DHS) for the lead roles in Obama’s Passion Play are the most stunning act of shrewdery since Lincoln did something just like it. A team of rivals, they say. [Let’s note here that everything that Obama does from now on will have been done by Lincoln as well, and thus to question Obama’s decision making is to question Lincoln’s, but you can’t do that because he’s dead and not here to defend himself, so just shut the hell up already.] Eggheads and ball busters all, we are assured, and not the feared UN peaceniks, doves, one-worlders, and social justice crime fighters fretted about during the campaign.

As noted here before, what must be going through Joe Biden’s plugged head? Joe Biden’s chief qualification for the presidency back when he was a mere candidate was his banana thong full of foreign policy machismo. Isn’t that why Obama picked Joe? Because He Himself lacked a banana thong? So, how will Joe distinguish himself on foreign affairs with Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State? Are we to believe that Joe Biden will assume the traditional role of the Vice President, which is to sit back, shut up and wait for some dark day to cloud our national history so he can take up the presidency? Not bloody likely. The only thing Joe Biden can do is try to create a portfolio of shadow governance, machination, maneuvering and shortcutting so perfected by the “most dangerous vice president we have had probably in American history.” Unfortunately for Joe Biden, he’s no Dick Cheney. First, Bush wanted Cheney in that role. Second, Obama does not want Biden in that role. Joe (and the electorate that believed the banana thong held the real deal) got suckered, played, rolled, jacked, hustled by a kid from Chicago. In any event, the woman who Joe Biden declared more qualified to be Vice President of the United States is now allegedly the most qualified to be Secretary of State. Joe is probably thinking that if he hadn’t taken the VP slot, then he could have been Secretary of State, he could have flown all over creation twisting arms, threatening repercussions, promising black budget outlays. There’s a continuous loop of “goddammit!!” playing over and over in Joe’s plugged, botoxed head.

Now, as for Ms. Clinton, it is Sydney Brillo Duodenum’s suspicion that this nomination is the end game of the summer of hate between Clinton and Obama. Remember all the drama about whether Clinton would challenge Obama at the convention, that she was working behind the scenes to steal the nomination from Obama? She could have made trouble but she bargained early and has always had right of first refusal on the State portfolio. But why would she go all in on the Obama administration? What about 2012? What about the Obama implosion and Carter II? Not going to happen. Even if the Obama presidency crashes upon the rocks, it will not be reported as such; after all, Obama inherited the equivalent of a post-nuclear apocalyptic wasteland from Bush, and there is only so much a demi-god can accomplish. And, in any event, there is no Democrat in their right mind who could ever run against Him and secure the nomination. Who will run against The One? Obama would have to kill an intern in the Oval Office, not just receive fellatio, to be hounded from office. Clinton will have to wait until 2016 to consider the presidency. She will be 69 or so. There is no pants suit that will serve to benefit Hillary Clinton when she is 69 or so. And she is not Margaret Thatcher. She’ll make a go of it, though. Thus, she can either continue to represent the victims of New York and play second fiddle to Chuck Schumer or fly the globe busting balls for the Change Agent. She may last the entire first term, but no one can expect a Clinton turn at State to be without drama, so we shall see. And what drama can we expect? Well, suffice it to say that Ms. Clinton is not a team player. She will not play nicely with Gates or Jones or Rice. Half her time will be spent crushing and marginalizing them and, with a weak sister like Obama in the executive seat, she’ll do what she will. Clinton will get to look and act like a president as she hops from one basket case to another. It’s part of her grand plan.

But what do all these choices mean? Sydney Brillo Duodenum is now supposed to stand perplexed as The Great One hires people alleged to represent a tough centrist line in foreign policy. He’s supposed to see Obama’s halo in a new light. He’s not a radical lefty, after all. Why, no, he’s a reasonable centrist! And his people are hawks! That’s right. Hillary Clinton is a tough former Cold Warrior who knows how to stand up to thugocracies. Susan Rice is a cold hearted bastard who whip the rapist at the UN into shape. Gates is a Bush war criminal, for Pete's sake. Jim Jones is a Marine, for Christ’s sake!! He’s probably killed people with his bare hands!!

Sydney Brillo Duodenum cares only about this: will these people keep this country safe? The fact is that nothing changed on November 4th. World War IV continues. Our enemies still hate us. Our friends still resent us. Our allies still need air cover and sea power and garrisoned armies and missile defense and bailouts. The irony is that for nearly eight years we have heard from Democrats and their press what a complete disaster Bush’s foreign policy has been, but look at the Democrat’s foreign policy since the end of 2001 - a shameful, disgusting wreck. Their constant and rending opposition to every move by President Bush has made prosecuting World War IV a painful and miserable undertaking. They undermined our country while we are at war. They tried to create Vietnam II here and abroad. There was no loyalty in their opposition, other than to their own power. Tell Sydney Brillo Duodenum that Harry Reid is a patriot and he’ll punch you in the snout! They fell in with and allowed their party to be hijacked by the worst sort of America-bashing bastards. They gave aid and comfort to our enemies by never directly condemning their actions, by making victims of thugs like Ahmmadinthehead and Assad and Chavez and Castro. Sure, Bush’s policies may be ugly, but DC is not a smoking hole in the ground, no elementary school in a New York suburb has been through a Beslan episode, a group of 20-somethings have not yet landed on the beach of Atlantic City and conducted room to room massacres at the Borgada Spa and Casino, the Bright Angel Lodge at the Grand Canyon full of boy scouts has not been firebombed by a burqa-clad mother, and a million other scenarios that have been contemplated by soldiers of the red crescent have not happened because they have been interdicted by a determined SOB from Texas. He's done something right. Sure, these things can happen. They happen every damn day across the globe. But they haven’t happened here. There’s some things Obama and Team New Beginning better not change.