Crosswords

Mother Brillo Duodenum just called asking about a clue in crossword puzzle she's puzzling.

Mom: I need your help with this puzzle. Ready?
SBD: OK.
Mom: It's a name; the clue is Bond Girl Xenia in Goldeneye.
SBD: Um, do you mean the actresses' name or the characters full name?
Mom: I don't know. It's seven letters.
SBD: [clack away on keyboard googlnating "Xenia Bond Goldeneye"; it occurs to SBD that this may be an uncomfortable call]
Mom: Seven letters
SBD: Right. Ok, I got it. Ready?
Mom: Yes.
SBD: The actress is Famke Jannsen.
Mom: No, that's not it, because the fourth letter is a "t".
SBD: Alright, then it must be the character's name.
Mom: Seven letters.
SBD: Yep. Ready.
Mom: Go ahead.
SBD: Xenia Zirgavna Onatopp.
Mom: What?
SBD: It's the last name. Onatopp.
Mom: Oh no tot?
SBD: No. On [a] top.
Mom. Spell it.
SBD: O - N- A - T- O- P - P
Mom: O - N - A - P- O - T - T?.
SBD: No. O - N - A - T - O - P -P
Mom: O - N - A - T -O - T- T
SBD: Jesus, LISTEN! It's ONTOP. ON TOP. Get it? Bond girls always have a suggestive name.
Mom: [Quiet]
Mom: Spell it again.