Thursday, April 23, 2009

Scene 5 - Witch Hunt Week

Scene 5:

The Witch: I'm not a witch I'm not a witch!

Sir Bedevere: But you are dressed as one

The Witch: *They* dressed me up like this!

Crowd: We didn't! We didn't...

The Witch: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.

Sir Bedevere: [lifts up her false nose] Well?

Peasant 1: Well, we did do the nose.

Sir Bedevere: The nose?

Peasant 1: And the hat, but she is a witch!

Crowd: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!

Sir Bedevere: Did you dress her up like this?

Peasant 1: No!

Peasant 3, Peasant 2: No!

Peasant 3: No!

Peasant 1: No!

Peasant 3,Peasant 2: No!

Peasant 1: Yes!

Peasant 2: Yes!

Peasant 1: Yeah a bit.

Peasant 3: A bit!

Peasant 1,Peasant 2: A bit!

Peasant 2: a bit

Peasant 1: But she has got a wart!

First, it was the outing of Miss California as a “typical American,” as most polls see it, because she shockingly believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman. The media can’t have fantastically beautiful people spouting non-sanctioned hate speech (otherwise known as conventional wisdom), so they must be ambushed during the most kitschy, stale anti-Feminist televised dog and pony show by a young crass fat gay gossip whore, whose entire corpus of work is the epitome of cultural and moral decrepitude. We're to believe that Miss California is a hideous foul witch worthy of the stake.

Second, it was the release of interrogation authorization memos by the Obama administration in order reveal the most heinous government sanctioned crime since Herod slew the Innocents one night a couple thousand years ago. The purpose was simple: to suss out, pillory and lock in a holding pattern former Bush administration officials so as to give the press a reason to forever and always ignore the incompetence, mismanagement and hackery of The Man Child’s administration on the economy, foreign relations, national security, and the choice of accessory dogs.

Third, it was Earth Day, “celebrated” across the apparently raped and bleeding landscape by multitudes of elementary school kids. If your kid didn’t show the proper prostration before Fury Gaia; if they did not pack a “trash free” lunch; if they did not walk to school; if they did not submit “Cool the Earth” coupons promising to limit their tiny little Croc-clad carbon footprints on the scorched globe; if they did not spend five minutes lecturing their parents on the merits of recycling plastic tampon applicators; if they did not attach an aluminum water bottle to their environmentally sustainable backpacks; if they did not wear green clothes to show their solidarity with the enviro-fascists – then their names went on a list being maintained by Al Gore’s Climate Project.

Fourth, again orchestrated by the Obama administration, where Obama called his cabinet to order and demanded they seek out and destroy $100 million in unnecessary spending. Burn it! No stack of surplus copy paper is safe anywhere in Federal DC.

Fifth, last week’s outing of average, pissed off Americans as right wing extremist crazy people who surfaced in a surprise assault on the Constitution on that most revered of national community days otherwise known as Tax Day continued in the MSM. Only the devil could inspire those people.

Sixth, apparently because the government does not pull all the strings on the Bank of America puppet, early this week rumors were lofted that BofA CEO Ken Lewis had to go, but Mr. Lewis, being a witch (really a Warlock) and using his dark arts, was able to put into the hands of the WSJ his testimony in February before the Grand Inquisitor and Master Witch Hunter, New York’s attorney general, that he was pressured by the Fed not to reveal what a massive black hole of losses Merrill Lynch represented to shareholders and to go ahead anyway with the government sanctioned bailout of ML. So now, because Ken Lewis did not stand up for shareholders because he was strongly advised by the government to do something against their interests, he should get the hell out of the way, with the likely result that the government will name who replaces him.

Seventh, President Obama, the Mexican government, and America's major media outlets and pussies, did all they could to pin a great deal of Mexico’s problems on America’s drug and gun habit, in the latter case by rolling out all types of weaponry, allegedly seized from narco-badasses and traced back to a sporting goods store in Ottumwa, Idaho (Iowa?). The message: America’s law abiding gun worshipers are an evil minority cult responsible for Mexico’s narco-terrorism and chaos, not the mainstream secular culture that bathes daily in fountain of gangsterism, drug use, libertine-ism, feelings, and Jeff “Dude, whatever!” Spicoli worship.