Resolved

Oh, of course, please do resolve to be happy and healthy and good and resourceful and a faithful husband and an honorable son and financially prudent and green and considerate and on time and to walk to work and floss and volunteer and be patient and to attend Mass every Sunday and to tell your kids you love them every day and to change the batteries in your smoke detectors every four months and to not talk during the movie and to buy Forever Stamps and put money in savings and to look for the beauty in family and friends and to clear out your e-mail inbox and use natural fertilizer on your lawn and to do any one of the other soul defibulations necessary to shock you into feeling good about yourself and getting people to like you.

As for Sydney Brill Duodenum, he resolves to be just as accurate, truthful, proud, brutal, condescending, harsh, obscure, disrespectful, doubtful, profligate, generous, dismissive, egotistical, pissed off and unfit as he was in 2008.