Full Blow to the Crotch

Sen. Chuck Shumer (D-NY):

“I am really looking forward to the next session of Congress, because I think it’s going to be a groundbreaking session, and you are going to see significant change,” Schumer told reporters. “As a legislator – and I have been a legislator for 34 years – I can’t think of a time that I have been more excited at the prospect of change.”

If this doesn't cause your yarbles to grasp each other tight and try to burrow up into your gut, then you're drunk.