Saturday, November 22, 2008

First Taste

Source: Bethesda Market, Bethesda, Maryland

Brewer: Brauerei Heinrich Reissdorf

Marketing BS: No fucking clue. It's all in German.

Translation of Marketing BS: Probably something along the lines of our beer is pure and clean and pure and has unquestionable lineage to some Nordic superhero hopped up on artisanally grown mushrooms. Oh, and did we say it's pure?

Setting: Family room, while watching Air Force One on cable. Harrison Ford kicking Russian fascist ass.

Bottle: Big, brown smooth dildo type. Sorry, but that's what it looks like.

Label: Classic German label with incomprehensible German script and funny Os with dots over them. The neck label has the word "Beer" on it and says Product of Germany under an emblem that looks too much like the Obama campaign emblem.

The Cap: Nothing dramatic. Sometimes with these German beers, when you crack the cap, it hisses out something that sounds pretty close to "Heil Hitler."

Alcohol Content: No clue, but it feels like 7 or 8 percent.

Method of Imbibation: Poured into a wheat beer glass, although it should have been poured into a Stange, but one was not available, although a leftover POM Tea glass would probably suffice.

First Swig: Lots of carbonation encapsulating essence of white grape. Beer snobs will taste apples, bread, kumquats, and soylent green. Very clean and pure in appearance. Exceedingly feint golden hue. Head breaks down quickly but provides enough lacing so you can write about lacing. If any beer resembles piss, it's this one. A nice after taste. Too bad only one bottle is at hand. One could spend a full evening with this beer and not be full at the end of the evening.

Competition: Stella Artois, Heineken, Michelob.

Recommendation: If you can get over the fact that a lot of American boys died crushing Nazi Germany, then buy a bottle. But don't be too enthusiastic about buying into all that brewing purity because it's just a cover for expressing German racial superiority.