Thursday, October 23, 2008

First Taste

Budweiser American Ale

Marketing BS: "Carefully brewed with barley from America's heartland and cascade hops from the Pacific Northwest, this rich amber-colored ale has robust flavor and a distinctive, hoppy finish."

Translation of Marketing BS: Our company was recently purchased by an amorphous Belgian brewer with the warm and personal name of InBev and, in order to suck up to pissed off Americans, who believe that one of their cherished brands has been stolen from them, we offer this "new" beer, which is really just a heavily dyed version of our regular Budweiser brew, but we call it "American" and charge an extra dollar or two, which will be used to meet the increasing demands of Europe's unrealistic and in the long term disastrous social welfare programs.

Source: Wagshalls Delicatesan, Washington, D.C.

Setting: Family room couch

Bottle: Tootsie Roll Brown or Shit Brown, depending on your mood. Nice heft. Narrow spout. Slight lip just below neck allows firm placement of index finger and thumb on bottle - crucial detail four beers into a six, ensuring firm grasp and lessening chances of dropping the bottle and exposing oneself as a drunk ass.

Label: Dried blood red background with white and gold lettering using a font that could be Franklin Gothic Medium. Conservative use of the Budweiser eagle.

The Cap: Releases without drama. Assuming proper chilling, one may observe a fine mist gathering in the neck of the bottle. It stays low and in the bottle, perhaps trapping the beer's essence.
Alcohol Content: Unknown.

Method of Imbibation: Bottle to lips.

First Swig: Robust; citrusy; distinctive hoppy finish. Heavy but not oppressive. It's not a meal. Tongue remains active and inquires as to where to get more.

Competition: Anything made by Sam Adams

Recommendation: Yeah, sure, buy some.