Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Why Sydney Brillo Duodenum Is An Insufferable Jerk

Sydney Brillo Duodenum is an insufferable jerk because when his mother, having, as part of an excursion related to the reunion of her college class, visited Hillwood Estate, Museum and Gardens, the former home of Marjorie Merriweather Post, heiress and founder of General Foods and wife of Joseph Davies, useful idiot and pro-Soviet US ambassador in the 30s to the Soviet Union, and now a museum housing Russian porcelains and Faberge eggs, procured from the gift shop and presented to him, on the night he visits with his father before he has open heart surgery, a white and dark chocolate lollipop molded in the likeness of Vladimir Ilych Lenin, he considers the likeness, thinks about whether the chocolate is any good, decides it looks like it has resided on the counter near children's inquisitive hands for too long, but more importantly suffers a fatal defect in design, informs his mother first, that Lenin was no more than five feet one inch in height, and second, that he will not accept the chocolate lollipop in the likeness of V.I. Lenin because V.I. Lenin is one of histories greatest criminals and Sydney Brillo Duodenum will not have anything to do with the reduction of those crimes into a sweet gift shop treat, even though doing so will cause a look of deep hurt to spread across the face of his dear mother, who thinks her son may very well be the humorless bastard his sisters think he is.

Guilty feelings generated by such an interaction are easily washed away by nursing two fingers of 12 year old Macallan while watching two episodes of South Park.