Sunday, October 19, 2008

That's News?

It's Sunday! The day Sydney Brillo Duodenum retrieves his The Washington Post and his The Washington Times from his the Walkway, secure in the knowledge that he now has everything he needs to start the week off prepared to meet whatever life doles out to The Him. Or specifically, whatever Sydney Brillo Dog doles out for him on his morning constitutional. The only reason Sydney Brillo Duodenum subscribes to the newspapers is so that he has a steady supply of tubular plastic newspaper bags, which act as the perfect mitt for picking up dog shit.

SBD supposes a secondary benefit to home newspaper delivery is that the paper itself may contain something in it that he doesn't already know. Today is not such a day.

Let's consider just the top of the page of both papers.

The Washington Times has a bold headline, in the fashion of an old school newspaper. You know, the kind that tries to sell itself by placing a bold headline at the top that announces in no uncertain terms, "This Is The One Story That Matters! Now Read It!"

"McCain calls Obama's tax policy socialism."

Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain on Saturday accused Democratic rival Sen. Barack Obama of pursuing a socialist agenda and seeking to hide his intention to redistribute wealth as part of a massive government welfare program.

Sen. Obama "hit back" with this zinger: "The only 'welfare' in this campaign is John McCain's plan to give another $200 billion in tax cuts to the wealthiest corporations in America." Thank you for proving Sen. McCain's point.

The story that remains unreported, though, is why it took Sen. McCain as long as it did to use That Word "socialism." One supposes that if knowledge of Bolshevack Obama's last 20 years in Chitown were better reported and more widely known by the bourgeoisie, Sen. McCain would not have had to rely on Plumberman to snake out the giant national hairwad. It doesn't matter: by Sunday evening, Sen. McCain will be called a red-baiting McCarthyite; by Monday lunchtime, Sen. Obama will be describing his economic plans as essentially Reaganesque; and by Tuesday afternoon, no one will be having this conversation because calling someone a socialist is racist.

Sen. McCommiebasher is, of course, exactly right in his assessment of Sen. Obolshevik.

And what of The Washington Post?

The Post likes to put its must reads on the upper right panel. Today they have for us this:

"Global Summits Planned to Tackle Economic Crisis"

Now here we find the socialist threat in another form - President Bush, overseer of the largest government expansion since FDR, planning "an emergency summit of leaders from the world's top economies to map out a response to the global financial crisis [and] urging a renewed effort to secure the basis of 'democratic capitalism.'" President Bush believes he can contain his European partners, slow them down with meetings, proclamations and process, but the bottomline remains: how can government take more control of the free markets. The Europeans see this as their big chance to direct all our financial futures, and in three short months they are likely to have sitting before them a president who could not agree more and who has eight years of Bushwackery for which to make amends.